Read Between the Lines
by EmerlizleCullen
Summary: Bella has had a terrible past four years which led her to break from her previous relationships. When her friendship with her old best friend Edward is rekindled, could true love still exist for her? All human.
1. Prologue

**Please, before you give up on this (my stats page shows that a lot of people stop reading after the prologue) read a little more. This is just like an intro. It gets way better throughout the story. This fanfic has become my baby. I've been taking a long time lately to make the further chapters live up to the what the previous chapters imply. This is currently my best and most popular fanfic so far and I hope that you will continue to read in order to find out why. Thank you very much.**

**Oh and none of the characters belong to me. I only own the plot. Blah blah blah disclaimer stuff**

* * *

I almost couldn't contain myself.

My hand trembled as I brushed my teeth. Freshman year! Plus I would get to see Bella again.

When I thought of Bella, my stomach dropped. This had been the first summer that we hadn't spent nearly every day together.

Bella and I had been best friends since we were three. Bella was one of the biggest klutzes I knew. I went to "take your kid to work" day that year with my adoptive father, Carlisle, who was the head of the emergency room in the only hospital in the small town of Forks, Washington. Low and behold, in walks a young woman carrying a screaming little brown-haired girl named Bella. Carlisle told me to distract her while he put the cast on her broken arm. Insert ten year friendship here.

It was kind of shocking that we hadn't spend a single day together since school got out. Or even exchanged a phone call, or had an email war. I hadn't seen Bella or spoke to her at all over the summer. Generally I wouldn't have a chance to plan anything else before she would call me to plan a get together. This summer's silence had begun to scare me.

Bella was pretty much my only friend. Over the years, she started hanging out with new people, but she always made time for me. Further into middle school, the only times we got to hang out were at each other's houses doing homework and projects together. It was understandable. Bella was a lovable person. I couldn't blame her friends from trying to hog her. But I never hung out with anyone else, except for my brother and cousin, Emmett and Jasper. Jasper had become more of a foster brother, though, when my aunt couldn't take care of him and his twin sister Rosalie anymore.

If no one beat me to it, I was going to ask her to homecoming this year. I knew what I felt was more than friendship, more than a brotherly affection. I wasn't going to hold back anymore. I was at least going to try. I was hoping that ten years would work in my favor.

My foot tapped anxiously as Emmett drove us to school. Rosalie had never really liked Bella, but she had gotten used to the fact that she was going to be over a lot. The two shared an agreement to disagree. They kept their distance from each other, so no fights ever broke out. Emmett thought her clumsiness was funny. It made Bella blush whenever he laughed at her. Bella's blush was adorable. Jasper enjoyed her company, especially due to the fact that his girlfriend, Alice, was her step-sister. My adoptive parents, Carlisle and Esme adored her. Finally, we arrived at Forks high school.

I couldn't believe my eyes, and neither could Jasper. Alice and Bella were connected at the hip, as always, but they looked way more scared than your average nervous freshmen...like the only way they were going to survive was if they never left each other's side. The two had seemed to thin out over the summer. You could almost see how many tears they had shed over the summer, still stained on their faces. Alice also seemed rather protective of Bella, I noticed, as she was tucked into Alice's embrace. Bella's eyes were sunken into her shallow face. When had she gained this hallowness? Then I noticed the brace on her left wrist.

Bella was clumsy, but not that clumsy. At least not anymore. And even when her injuries were that bad, she always grinned it off. She was used to it. Anything that she needed appeasing with a brace or bandage was more than serious. And rarely did she do that much damage to herself.

Someone had done something to her, and to Alice. Jasper ran to Alice to comfort her, but Alice shied away. That was rather shocking. Alice never rejected anyone, even if she hated them. She was more of a peace maker. And even if she ever pushed away anyone, it would not have been Jasper. After seeing Alice's behavior, I didn't even try to approach Bella. After a summer of separation, I didn't want that kind of rejection.

When we pulled up to our house after school got out, I flew out of the car before it had even stopped. Carlisle wasn't working that day. He would have known what happened to her. I raced upstairs to his office.

"What happened? And don't give me any shit about doctor-patient confidentiality. I won't tell anybody, I swear. I just need to know before it drives me crazy!" I exclaimed before he could ask me what my hurry was.

"Who are you talking about son?" he wondered in fake oblivion.

"You know who I'm talking about. Who's the only one that I'm concerned about who lives outside of this house?" I asked him. Carlisle walked to his office door, and after looking to make sure no one was eavesdropping, he closed it behind him.

"You're not telling anybody?" he confirmed. Damn. This really was serious.

"I just need to know," I told him, my voice sort of cracking.

He crossed back to his desk and slumped down in his chair. He sighed deeply before he continued.

"You know Bella's step-mother, Alice's mom, Renee?" he wondered.

"Who doesn't," I replied. Everybody knew everybody in this town.

"I myself was curious when both Alice and Bella came in injured. It was one thing for Bella to hurt herself. But you know Alice, she's generally so graceful. The curiosity eventually took over after the third time they came in together in one week. I felt bad about it, but I threatened Renee with a visit from social services if she didn't tell me what was going on at home," he began.

"Well, what was going on?" I urged, needing to know.

"James isn't exactly being fatherly," was all he had to say for me to understand.

"You know I never liked that creep. Ever since Bella's mother died, he's hated her. Never in words, but I knew. And now he's...he's..." Carlisle had to put a hand on my shoulder to calm me down. "Do I have permission to tell Jasper. Only Jasper. He deserves to know, too. I mean Alice..."

Carlisle nodded sadly.

Jasper and I grew a lot closer over our Freshman year. With his girlfriend and my best friend avoiding human contact, we spent a lot more time together. We also hung out a lot so that we wouldn't be tempted to tell anyone else. Hanging out with others meant less ears who might accidentally hear our secret.

Finally, about a year later, Renee finally got the nerve to call the cops. Her confidence might have been boosted due to the fact that her ex-husband was the cheif of police, but at least it got done.

Word spreads fast in a small town like Forks, and soon Jasper and I didn't have a secret to keep. Bella and Alice weren't at school for a few weeks after the announcement, but when they came back, Bella was different. Alice slowly let people back in, but Bella continued to push people away.

I stayed away. I couldn't stand it. The fact that she had never come to me for support. She knew I was there, right? And her continued silence was almost worse than rejection. One time she actually looked me in the eyes. She gave me a look of near hatred.

I shouldn't have waited. I let her town. I should have told her that I knew. Jasper and my secret hadn't been a secret to her.

Every time I tried to get near her, she would shy away. So I kept my distance. After all, Jasper got his license not much later and we started to give the girls rides to and from school.

My eyes never stopped watching. Through the years, they never stopped watching.


	2. The Book

I looked hideous, I could tell.

I'd never been that pretty, but over the past four years, it had gotten worse. Even after my father stopped beating us.

It was worse because I could never remember my life before pain. My first memories were the steel toed boots kicking me in the gut so hard that I couldn't breathe, and then watching my father rip Alice's spiked belt off of her jeans and whip her with it. Whenever I tried to remember anything before that, I was reminded that whatever life I had before had been finished, and had ended in a world of hurt.

I had tried to go back. But when I looked around the halls, I didn't see the familiar faces of old friends. I had seen face after face of people who couldn't help me. People who had never even tried.

After one more unsatisfied glance in the mirror I went downstairs to eat the breakfast that Renee, my loving stepmother, had made. Renee had been the one to rescue us. After leaving my father, she informed Charlie (her ex-husband, Alice's father, and police chief of our small town of Forks) of my father's abuse, the courts quickly granted her custody of me, seeing as how my own mother had died when I was six.

Alice watched me silently, as always. She was still waiting for me to return to sanity. She had managed to relocate the life that she had before, her old boyfriend, Jasper, welcoming her back with open arms. I couldn't even remember who my best friends had been.

Two honks sounded from outside. I popped a Listerine pocket pack into my mouth, spat it out in the yard, and slumped in Jasper's car next to Alice.

"Good morning, Alice. Good morning, Bella," Jasper kindly greeted.

"What's so good about it?" I asked coldly. This was normal, so Jasper disregarded my attitude.

A different voice came from the boy who sat shotgun.

"What's _not _good? We've all been granted another day, and it so happens to be a beautiful one. Such a rarity for Forks, so it's actually a _great _morning," he recited. I was used to these types of phrases from Jasper's poetic brother, Edward. "It's also one day closer to graduation," he added, turning to smile at me.

Edward's smile always dazzled me, but then again, my father had been a charming man, too. Nowadays, I didn't let small things like poetry and charm trick me. For all I knew, he had beaten his last three girlfriends or something.

My first class of the day was Creative Writing. I had to take a fine art credit before graduation, and Creative Writing sounded easy. The further I got into the class, the easier it was.

Today had a little twist, though.

The bell rang, marking the end of class, but Mr. Forrester requested that I stayed behind. He began shuffling through the drawers of his desk until he found what he was looking for: a thick hard-cover book. He walked over to my desk and set it down.

I twirled the book around in my hands. The cover had no markings. No title. No author. There wasn't even a title page inside.

"Bella, your pieces are fairly...depressing. I would send you to a counselor if I didn't have one last idea...okay I'm going to make this short. I don't want you to turn in another assignment until you read this book cover to cover, word for word. Is that clear?" Mr Forrester wondered.

"How will reading this book help me write less depressing?" I inquired.

"Let me explain a little bit about the author. The author was a student in one of my Creative Writing classes. Well, actually, he was in four of them. His freshman year, he had writings similar to yours; stories to slit your wrists to. But they were beautiful, elaborate phrases, and he used great literary techniques. I encouraged him to put these feelings into a character and put a plot to his thoughts. For the next four years I coached him while he wrote this book. It's going to hit shelves this summer. I want you to see what you can do. I want you to see what can happen if you combine feelings and actions into a character. I know you can do so much better than what you're doing. Just read the book." At the end of his speech, he stood up and walked back to his desk. "You may go now."

The first sentence of the book caught my attention. There was something about the way the words unfolded that made me feel I had heard them before.

The main character's name was Parker. His girlfriend, Avery, was in a coma after being hit by a car. He had spent every spare second he could at the hospital, by her side. Most of the book, at least to the point that I had read, was Parker talking to the unconscious Avery about memories. In short, the book was a flashback of what their lives together were like before her coma.

The further I read, the more I wanted a Parker for myself. Even though Avery was asleep, Parker made sure that she was never alone, and was constantly reminding her that when she woke up, he would be there.

With a town as small as Forks, pretty much everyone knew about what had happened to me and to Alice. But no one had stepped up. No one told me that they were still going to be there.

There had to be someone out there. Someone like Parker. Of course, if there had been, he wasn't going to end up with me. Never in the fairy tales was the heroine of the story who landed the guy ever beaten by her father. Why would this be any different?


	3. An Empty Success

**Author's Note: For those who were wondering, the book is not real. I did make it up. The book will be explained later.**

* * *

I decided not to sit with Alice and Jasper the next day at lunch. I had experienced some difficulty concentrating of the book in the noisy cafeteria yesterday. So today I sat in the deserted courtyard of picnic tables. I hadn't been reading long before somone sat down next to me.

"You were awfully quiet in the car today," I heard Edward say.

What's it to you?" I wondered.

"Just wondering where your never-ending opinions went," he explained.

"Can't someone find a good book? You of all people should know what a good book does, Mr. 'Literature up the butt,'" I accused. I didn't know Edward that much, only what I had learned from riding to and from school for two and a half years. But I _had _learned, though, not to shove a book in his face unless you didn't want to hear from him for about two weeks.

"One can, I've just never known it to happen to you," he informed me.

"And how much would you possibly knnow about me?" I lashed. A touch of hurt seemed to reach his yeys. He avoided the question, asking one of his own.

"So. What book is so good that it even catches the interest of Bella Swan?"

"I actually don't know the title. I don't even know who wrote it. I don't think you would know about it, though. It's not supposed to be out, yet," I stated.

"Well, may I ask how you have a copy then?" he questioned.

"The Creative Writing teacher is letting me borrow it. Apparently one of his students wrote it." Comprehension flickered across Edward's face.

"I had class with that kid," he announced. "I remember him."

"You say that like something happened to him," I said implying that he should continue.

"Yeah, kind of," he agreed, not entirely looking at me anymore, like his mind was somewhere else.

"Well?" I encouraged.

"For a few days, he went around excitedly telling anyone who would listen that his book was going to get published. But somehow, his sucess wasn't enough for him or something. Did Mr. Forrester tell you how depressed the guy was?" I nodded, remembering suddenly that I was actually a part of this conversation. "He kind of went back to that. He had never intended on becoming a success. He had written the story to escape his depression, putting all of his feelings and emotions, and even parts of his past into that story. It made him feel like it wasn't _his _pain. Then it came back to him. He realized he'd never have the courage to solve his problems. So when the publishing company said they'd be interested in more of his work, he turned them down."

"How do you know all this?" I interrogated.

"I'm pretty close with the guy," he simply stated.

"How's he doing?" I wondered, truly concerned for him.

"Actually, he's doing a little better now. Sometimes problems fix themselves, and he's recently experienced a positive outbreak. He's trying not to get too hopeful," Edward explained.

"Who is he?" I questioned, suddenly anxious.

"For his privacy, I'm not going to tell you. It's his senior year here. I actually wouldn't be surprised if you know the guy, considering this is Forks. I don't want to subject him to his first fan before the book has even come out."

"Tell him I'm sorry," I requested.

"Sorry about what?"

"I'm sorry that he didn't get what he wanted, and he shouldn't give up," I finished.

"Yeah, I'll tell him," he assured me, with a grin that for some reason looked confident.

"Oh, hey um...do you know what the title of the book is going to be?" I asked him.

"Um, no. He couldn't decide, so the publishing company's going to come up with one," he informed me. The bell rang then, ending lucnh. I began to gather my things. "Oh, um..." Edward began, "it's nice to see you curious again."

He turned and left at that point, leaving me to wonder what the hell he meant.


	4. Parker and the Note

The book never left my face all night. If the author of this book was somewhat "improving" after what he had been through, there was hope for me, right? I read until I fell asleep, my bedroom light still on.

The more I had read about Parker, the more that I wanted him. There had been one point in the story where he had broken down beside Avery's hospital bed, begging her not to leave him. Parker had never given up for one moment. He was determined to somehow talk Avery out of her coma. He wasn't willing to let her go. I imagined a love so passionate that someone would be willing to sit by a vegetable and beg favors from it. It didn't seem possible.

The book made me wonder what the author had been through. Edward had said that the guy had put some of his own past, his own emotions into Parker's character. What had happened to this mystery guy's Avery? And Edward had said that this guy was improving. Did that mean that his Avery was waking up?

I fell asleep with these thoughts running through my mind as I read page after page. Because of that I had the most bizarre of dreams.

I couldn't feel my body. It was limp and wouldn't move to my commands. The world around me was dark, but it didn't matter. My eyes refused to open anyway. But I heard beeping, and the whirring of machines. A few moments later, the sound of a heavy bag dropping to the ground reached my ears, followed by the screeching of a chair pulling up next to me.

"I'm sorry I'm late, Bella. I forgot to tell you I was working overtime today," a strange voice began.

I recognized the beginning of this monologue. It was from the book. I was in Avery's place, only Parker had addressed me as Bella, not Avery.

"I feel like I've really let you down. There's not much that you're gaining from this. The doctors, they say that talking to a coma patient triggers brain activity, but...I've been sitting here for who knows how long and I can't see you getting better... I'm sorry. I wish I could do more for you, but I don't know what...

"At least the doctors are keeping you alive. I feel like sitting here talking to you is doing more to keep me sane than it is to wake you up. It seems like I'm just watching you shrivel before my eyes...and I don't want to lose you. I don't think you understand exactly how much I need you. I can't see my life without you. Even if I have to come here, everyday, and just watch you, wait for you, that would be more that if you left. But I don't want to keep you here if you're ready to go. I won't make you stay.

"Please, Bella. I know I've never said it enough, but I love you. I loved you before even I knew it. Even in our darkest nights I loved you, and I'm sorry I was never able to protect you from this. I'm sorry I can't do anything more for you. I'll never stop loving you. Please don't leave me!"

The buzzing of my alarm sounded.

I got ready for school in a daze. I tried to think about what might have sparked the dream. Generally when I dreamt about movies or books, I dreamt that I was one of the characters, and the people in my dreams would call me their name, not my own. It was as if my mind was telling me that something bound me to this book.

The dream also scared me slightly. The whole time I had never seen anything. I was in a coma in darkness. My father's cruelty had made me scared of everything. I jumped at the slightest movements and sounds, and I was scared of the dark, which sent me an irrational fear of my dream.

I'm sure my fright was clear on my face. Jasper had looked at me oddly when I had hopped in the car and Alice and Edward never took their eyes off of me. For some reason, Edward looked more concerned. Eventually I figured that it was because Alice was used to seeing me scared. Edward wasn't.

I had intended to go straight to Creative Writing, to have undisturbed time with the book. I ended up pausing at my locker when I saw a note attached to it. I pulled it off and leaned against the lockers while I read.

_Dearest Bella,_

_I received your message. I thank you so much for your support. I want you to know that I have never given up. It's just harder some days to believe that something good will come out of this hell that has become my life, though I'm sure you've been through worse. I'm writing to thank you for your encouragement, and return it at the same time. Don't give up on yourself. There are others, so close to you, who care. You just can't see it. I understand why you may see things the way you do, but you shouldn't let one person ruin your trust in everyone else. You have never been left alone, you just feel lonely. No one can hurt you more than you can yourself, but what's worse is when you hurt yourself _because _of someone else. It also hurts others to watch you put yourself through that._

_On a brighter note, I am glad that my book has caught your attention. I think you can learn a lot from it if you read between the lines and look around. I hope it encourages you to open up. To others, you are an Avery. They're trying to help. Let them._

In Creative Writing, the book stayed open, but I wasn't reading it. Behind the book, where Mr. Forrester couldn't see, I was reading the note over and over.

I had never thought for one moment that I could be hurting anyone else. I thought about Alice and Jasper. I remembered the first day of Freshman year, when Alice shooed him away. That must have hurt him a lot. But he welcomed her back. Who had I shoved away? I must have had friends at some point.

_Did _I have a Parker at one point in time? Would he be willing to take me back? How much had I hurt him? Who was he?

I finally realized why my dream had unfolded the way it did. Like Edward's mystery author had said, I was someone's Avery. Someone _was _waiting somewhere. Someone who had been watching me, hoping that he could do something.

Parker had said "There's not much else I can do for you." My Parker might have _wanted _to do something for me, he just couldn't. He hated watching me "shrivel before his eyes." He didn't want to lose me. One part especially stuck out to me: "Even in your darkest nights I loved you, and I'm sorry I was never able to project you from this."

If I did have a Parker, he had been watching me cower from everything, and he had never been able to protect me. But he still loved me.

And I had hurt him. I never let anyone back in after my father was arrested. I might have destroyed a love that could have saved both him and myself all the misery. Even if I _had_ a Parker at one point, I was sure he wouldn't want me now...not after all I'd done to him.


	5. A Promise

**Authors Note: I apologize for the inconvenience. For those of you who had to wait for me to fix the chapter. I hope it was worth the wait!

* * *

**I was terrible. There was no other way to put it.

How could I forget about anyone? Especially someone like Parker? It didn't make any sense. When Renee had told me that James wouldn't be coming back, they should have been the first one that I called to celebrate with. Hell, they should have been the first one I called for help.

Which meant that people might not have helped because they never knew what was happening. I never told anyone. Alice never told anyone. I was pretty sure that Renee didn't say anything. Therefore, I was the only one to blame for any of this. And now I couldn't even remember the one person that I might have run to.

Edward found me at lunch again, only this time, I was pretty much shedding more tears than someone who just lost their entire family in a plane crash or something. I barely had time to even spot him before he was running to me like a bolt of lightning.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What's wrong?" he asked, extremely close to me for someone who just rode with me to and from school every day.

"Everything is different. Everything I thought, everything I knew, everything I felt. It was all wrong. Nothing should have panned out the way that it did - " I began.

"Of course it didn't pan out the way it should have. Nothing should end up in beatings and fear and pain," Edward cut in.

"Not that. I mean me. I don't remember anything! That's not exactly a new realization, but I shouldn't have just forgotten! I can't afford to not remember!" I rambled. Understanding seemed to flicker across Edward's face. Like he was getting the answer to an unspoken question. I would have asked him what his problem was, but I wasn't ready for him to be offended and leave. I was somewhat comfortable with him.

"I don't _have _anyone left. Except for Alice and Renee. Everyone else just left with my memories. I know that what happened to me wasn't my fault, but I could have dealt with it a lot better. I could have - "

Edward clapped his hand over my mouth in a way that I shouldn't have allowed, but for some reason, it didn't bother me.

"None. Of. This. Is. Your. Fault." he stated strongly. I didn't dare to argue with him. "No one expects anything from you. No one's asking you favors. Everyone understands why you act differently. No one holds it against you. And things haven't exactly panned out the way that you think they have. Sure, you may not be able to remember, but not all of us just up and left. There are still people, more than Renee and Alice, who care about you. Who are looking out for you. Ready to help."

"Us?" I questioned.

"Us what?" he wondered.

"You said 'us.' 'Not all of us just up and left.' " I reminded him.

"Alice is my brother's girlfriend. You think that I would be completely oblivious to you and not give two craps about you? I'm one of the people who see you the most, or at least the most frequent. I almost find it a responsibility to look out for you," Edward explained. "What brought this on, anyway?"

I pulled the note out of the book and handed it to him. His eyes skimmed the note quickly. I shouldn't have been surprised at how fast he read, but it did.

"I had just assumed that no one had helped because they didn't care. I had thought of everyone as people who had let me down. I never thought that I had been the one to hurt them. To give up on them without giving them a second chance. Even if I couldn't remember who they were, I should have at least allowed people to redeem themselves and explain why they couldn't help," I ranted. "Instead I just gave up. I never tried to remember."

"Why don't you try now?" Edward suggested.

"It hurts. I try to think of the what kind of life I had before all hell broke loose and all I can remember is the fact that that life was taken away from me. All I can recall is the pain of my life slipping out of my control and into the hands of my father. Each night he chose whether I lived or died. Not only did I lose a life that I might have loved, but I lost all sense of control. I don't remember what it's like to control anything that I do.

"That's why I still don't know what college I want to go to. I've sent out a million applications and have received a few acceptance letters, but I don't know where I want to go. I don't make any huge decisions because I don't know how to anymore. Ten months of chaos and three years of nothing going on up here," I explained, tapping my finger to my head.

Edward shook his head in sorrow.

"I know that Renee probably told you this every day, but everything is going to be alright," he assured me.

"Actually, Renee never said that. She probably never wanted me to get my hopes up or something," I recalled.

"Well then I'm telling you now. Everything is going to fine. You never were one to hold grudges," he informed me. "I understand why you've held on to this one for so long, but this one, too, will pass. You'll remember everything, and every one. If you need me to, I will personally help you. Eventually there'll come a time when you go weeks, months, and then finally years without even thinking of the pain. You don't deserve to let your past pull you down."

"And what are you going to do to 'personally help me?'" I asked.

"Well, for starters, I'm going to work on getting you to smile a little more. Like I said, none of this is your fault and you need to stop blaming yourself. It's time for you to move on and get your life back a little at a time. I will stoop down to such lows as to embarrass myself just to see you smile," he planned.

Just then, the bell rang, ending lunch.

"Are you going to be okay?" Edward questioned.

"Yeah, I think so," I told him. But my traitor legs deceived me as they buckled under my weight. Edward caught me before I fell all the way to the courtyard cement.

"I'll walk you to class," he offered, letting me lean into him for support. Oddly enough, it didn't seem awkward. It felt rather natural.

"So, I'll see you after school when Jasper and I take you and Alice home?" he confirmed when we reached my classroom.

"Do you promise?" I asked instead of answering. "Do you promise not to give up on me? Are you really going to try to help?"

"As much as I can and until you shoo me away. And even then, your stuck with me in the car until we graduate," he joked.

"One more thing," I added, leaning against the wall by the classroom door. "Why do you care? Why now?"

"I've always cared, Bella," he simply stated before turning and heading to his class.


	6. Wake Up

I had a long night to myself to hide in the book, but soon it no longer held my interest.

Avery had woken up. That wasn't the part that lost me, though. The reason I began to hate the book was because Avery didn't remember Parker. How could anyone ever forget someone like Parker? They had grown up together and had been dating for two years. Somehow that amounted to nothing. It didn't help her to remember.

I recalled what this author had said about me being someone's Avery, then my own theory of people who actually might have cared. If I was anyone's Avery, I was terrible. If I had grown up with someone, and they had been willing to wait for me to snap out of something, how could I have just forgotten them?

Edward's friend was implying that I had blown someone off, like Avery had. And considering I lived in Forks, chances were he probably knew who I had rejected, too. That's probably why he knew so much about the people who cared about me.

I was in no mood to go to school the next morning. For the past four years I had seen these people as people who had let me down. More and more I was afraid that the opposite was true. I didn't want to look at anyone, trying to remember a relationship that we might have had. A relationship that I might have screwed up.

I slammed the car door in frustration after I had stepped in. Jasper quickly noted my mood and didn't even bother saying "good morning." Edward turned to look at me. I began to think about what was on his sure to be amusing mind.

"So. Are you going to smile? Or do you force me to start singing Spice Girls?" he wondered, in reply to my thoughts. Just the image of Edward dancing in the packed Volvo singing in ridiculously high-pitches for a male was enough to make me laugh. My amusement made Edward smile. Suddenly, I didn't feel so guilty about my past relationships. For once, I actually managed to make someone happy. It was something that I could never remember doing. Then again, my memory didn't reach that far.

Edward found me at lunch. Again. I was finally beginning to trust that he would be there. It didn't take too long for him to notice that I wasn't reading.

"Where's the book?" he questioned. The reminder of the book put me back into my previous frustration. I ignored his question, asking a few of my own.

"What happened to his Avery? Why can't she remember?" I pressed.

"He never found out. Well, he knew what was happening. He knew what her 'coma' was. But he never fully learned why she couldn't remember," he explained.

"No offense to whoever your little friend is, but why would anyone want to read this? It's too damn depressing, especially if the rest of the book goes on like this." I ranted.

"You know, for someone with so many problems of your own, you're awfully concerned with other people's issues," Edward noted. "Do I have to take that book away from you so that you stop thinking about this guy? I'm not google for the anonymous, and frankly, this is a touchy subject for me."

"Sorry," I apologized.

"Hey, do me a favor?" he requested.

"Like what?"

"Forget the book for a while. That was his past. Trust me, his future is a lot brighter, and so is yours. There's no reason for you to be worrying. He's fine. You're stressing yourself out needlessly," he informed me.

"I have to read the book. Mr. Forrester doesn't want me to turn anything else in until I'm done with it," I told him.

"After a while I'll give you a synopsis or something. Just let it go for a bit. Focus on taking care of your own problems," he suggested.

"What am I going to do? If you haven't noticed, I don't have much of a social life."

"What were you doing before?" he wondered. That's when I realized that I really didn't know. What kind of isolation had I put myself into? Not only had I been isolated from others, I had been isolated from myself. Now that I came to think of it, I couldn't even remember what I had for dinner the night before. Had I even ate?

All this time my mind and my body had been separated. The only things that I could remember were things involving this book and Edward. I tried to remember more, then a jab of pain bolted through my arm that had been once upon a time broken.

I gasped in pain. Edward spun me around to look at me.

"Bella? What's wrong?" he asked, his voice still musical, even in panic.

I don't know how it happened, but suddenly he was hugging me to him, and I found myself wrapping my arms around him in return. We sat there for minutes, Edward letting me sob into his shoulder endlessly. The mental pain in my arm slowly stopped throbbing.

Eventually, my heaved stopped. Edward then held me at an arms length and stared into my eyes.

"I'm sorry if that made you remember anything you didn't want to," he apologized. "If it helps, I'll help you come up with things to do. I'll keep you busy. you won't have time to remember those things. That way you don't get upset, and it won't hurt me to watch," he suggested.

The guilt came back.

"Does my pain hurt you that much?" I wondered.

"I told you, you need to worry about your own problems," he reminded me, quick to dodge the question, but I saw the truth in his eyes.

"How long has this bugged you?" I interrogated.

"I told you, I always cared. Anyway, I think it hurt everyone to watch you and Alice back then, and then anything else before that, there was nothing that would have bugged me."

"Why won't you just be honest with me?" I cried, the tears beginning to fall again.

"Because," he said softly (the softness probably in response to my crying), "you're getting better now, so it's a moot point whether it upset me back then or not." I quickly noticed that he wasn't looking me in the eye anymore. But when he did, his eyes were full of sorrow. He reached into his jacket and pulled out a few tissues.

"Hanging out with you the past few days, I've learned to carry these around," he explained, handing them to me. "Do you need me to schedule your after school agenda for you, or do you think you can find something to do?" he questioned.

"If you're trying to pencil yourself into my calendar, let me tell you now, you'll fit a lot better in there if you promise not to sing Spice Girls. Ever," I joked.

He just about lost it in laughter then. His dazzling smile was a lot more friendly now that I didn't think of him as some handsome guy secretly beating his girlfriend. Especially because they amount of time he spent with me clued me in that he didn't even have a girlfriend. I wondered why that was. Forks was a limited populations. Wouldn't girls be tripping over their own feet for one of the only amazingly gorgeous guys in the school?

Amongst all of my questions and thoughts, I couldn't help but rejoice. I had done it again: I had made someone smile. I had brought light to someone's day. And it just happened to be someone who had promised to be there. The only person outside of my family that I could trust.

And if there was no Parker for me, he was probably the only one that I could see myself loving.


	7. A Night Out

Edward took me out bowling that Friday. It was the first time I had gone anywhere other than school or the doctor's since the end of eighth grade.

So you could imagine how badly I sucked.

Edward was extremely patient. We originally weren't alone. He had brought his siblings with him (his older siblings, Rosalie and Emmett, were back from college) and Alice had come with me. Edward refused to leave until either the place closed down or I bowled a strike. Considering the alley was open 24 hours, we were going to be there a while.

My lack of exercise (combined with the damage my father had done) made it impossible to even lift the ball for a while. When I finally was able to roll the ball down the entire length of the lane, I was throwing nothing but gutter balls.

When I hit my first pin, only Jasper and Alice were still there with us, but it was as if someone had won the lottery or something.

By the time Alice and Jasper left, I was consistently hitting either the seven or the ten before the ball guttered. Edward decided that it was time for a pizza break.

"Damn, I've never seen someone enjoy pizza that much," Edward commented, when he saw how I savored each bite.

"I don't think I've had pizza since August before freshman year," I explained.

"Why not?"

"My dad may have been a sick bastard, but if there was one thing he was worse at than being a father, it was cooking. He made us do it. I think the only thing that kept me from committing suicide was food. I knew that, as long as he hadn't killed us yet, he would stop beating us when it was time for us to cook," I explained. "I cooked for my whole family before my mom died, too, so it also kind of reminded me that I was the same person I was before my nightmares became reality. I've been trying to continue that. I can't remember a day before today that I hadn't cooked."

Edward looked absolutely furious when I was done.

"Damn it, I did it again," he complained.

"Did what?"

"Reminded you."

"You just asked why I liked pizza so much. I could have just said I don't have it very often instead of saying August of four years ago," I justified. I hated him trying to take the blame for everything. "I opened the door. I chose to tell you."

"Why?"

"Because I want you to be honest with me, so it only makes sense that I am completely honest with you," I concluded, proud of my analysis.

"Still, I feel terrible. here," he handed me his ball, which was probably five times heavier than mine. "Drop this on my head."

"I don't think I could even get this over your head," I pointed out. He laughed, sending pulses of happiness up and down my spine. "I'd probably drop it on my foot, and we both know that you don't like seeing me in pain," I added, using my new found weapon of his suffering.

"Okay, yeah, you're right. I need to take that from you before you kill yourself with it," he joked, taking the ball back.

Seven never-ending games later, I was hitting the vast majority of the pins. We were the only non-employees there. I hoped Alice had told Renee about Edward's refusal to leave, considering it was two thirty in the morning.

"This is pointless," I whined. "Look, I got nine out of the ten. Isn't that good enough?"

"Get a spare and I'll think about it," he teased.

"Ugh," I grunted.

"Here, let me help," he offered, handing me the ball. I took it, wondering how he could possibly help.

He stepped behind me. I turned around to face him, but he spun me back around so that my back was to him.

"Stand on my feet," he instructed.

"Are you sure? I'm not that light," I warned him.

"Trust me, you're lighter than you think you are. Go ahead, get on," he encouraged.

I carefully stepped onto his feet.

"You bowl with your right hand don't you?" he verified.

"Doesn't everybody?" I asked sarcastically, wondering if he could hear my eyes rolling. Whether he did or didn't, he still laughed.

"You can always count on Bella Swan to serve up sass," Edward scoffed.

I was in the perfect position, so, careful not to drop the ball on our toes, I elbowed him in the gut.

"What?" he asked innocently. "It's a statement of fact."

All I could do in response to that was shake my head. Then suddenly, I found his hands grabbing my elbows, pulling them into a bowling stance. His fingers glided up my forearms to my hands, positioning them as well.

His touch was cold, but comfortable. There was a sort of fulfillment it gave me. It was like it had used to be a normal thing, and I had gone a long time without it.

"Now pay attention to my footwork, too," he ordered. "That's why you're standing on me. " His feet moved underneath mine and he pulled my arm back to swing, which resulted in a strike.

"Does that count?" I wondered hopefully.

"Nice try," he complimented. "But I haven't even shown you how I aimed that." He spent the next few turns standing behind me, still guiding my hands with his. Finally he figured I should have learned the habit. He sat back down and watched me miserable try and fail at imitating his perfect technique.

Finally it happened. It was a miracle, too. The last pin wobbled back and fourth for a moment before falling. I had bowled a strike.

I don't think I had ever jumped that high in my life. The third jump I didn't come back down. Edward caught me in mid-jump, and I found myself wrapping my arms around his neck as he spun me around. But when he put me down, I landed wrong. My ankle began to throb.

"Ow ow ow," I winced.

"You okay?" Edward asked, as panicked as someone could be while still maintaining a smile.

"Just an old injury, but it doesn't matter because I DID IT!" I cried, hopping up and down on my good foot. That seemed to be enough to get the panic out of his eyes as he, too, began to celebrate again.

We didn't even wait to finish the game. Edward was jumping and shouting the entire time that he spent at the counter returning the shoes and paying for the games. He then ran back to where I was sitting with my foot propped up. After he put his shoes back on, he gently threw me onto his back and ran us to the car. He opened my door for me and helped me in.

That's when the cheering stopped. It was three o'clock in the morning and we were both spent. We drove home in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, but a relaxing silence. I felt my eyelids begin to droop.

I woke up in my clothes on top of my bed under a single blanket. My ankle had also been wrapped in an ace bandage.

Neither Renee nor Alice had the upper-body strength to carry me upstairs. And despite the near-year of her two daughters being constantly injured, Renee had never learned how to appease an injury with ace bandage.

Then I saw the note on my bedside table.

_Hey,  
Let's do something  
Call me when you wake up  
Congratulations about last night  
Edward_


	8. Reflection

I wasn't even really awake, but I was really eager for that heightened sensation that hanging out with Edward always gave me. I groaned when I realized that before we had left for bowling, I had left my phone downstairs to charge.

I realized how impossible getting downstairs would be when just sitting up became a chore. Every muscle in my body ached and every old injury throbbed with the slightest pressure. So much for doing something today.

"Renee!" I called, my voice hoarse from all the screaming Edward and I had done last night. When she arrived in my doorway, I asked Renee if she could bring me my cell phone. She didn't even need me to tell her that I was in pain. The instant I had the phone in my hand, I dialed the number on the note.

"Hello?" came Edward's voice on the other end.

"Edward? It's Bella," I informed him. He probably already knew, though.

"Hey, she lives!" he joked. "So, What are you in the mood for today?" he questioned.

"Actually, even if I was in the mood to do anything, I wouldn't be able to. I don't think an all-night-er was the best thing in the world. I ache all over," I told him

"Well doesn't that just suck?"

"I'm sorry for whatever plans you may have had for the weekend. I'm exhausted in every way that's possible and I wouldn't be much company, anyway," I apologized.

"Hey, no worries. I'll see you on Monday, anyway. You rest up and bask in last night's glory. We have all the weekends in the world," he told me, sounding very sure of himself.

"Sorry again," I repeated.

"Don't worry about it. See you Monday."

"See you."

I was pretty much asleep again the instant the line was dead.

The sound of Renee bringing in some dinner woke me up. When I turned to look at her, something caught my eye.

It was a teddy bear, clearly from build-a-bear, bandaged in various places. Next to the bear was a bottle of asprin and another note was tucked into one of the bear's bandages.

_Wow, you must really be tired. I had time to get you this and drop it off before you even woke up. Hey, you'd better not be reading the book in my absence. If you are, I'll be singing Spice Girls until you build up the strength to drop that bowling ball on my head. Jasper tell you to get better, too (he's getting sick of my boredom complaints and wants you to get me off of his hands)  
Rest up and I'll see you Monday  
Edward_

"Renee?" I began, right about when she started to walk out.

"What is it, hon?" she wondered.

"When did Edward come over?" I asked her.

"Around four-thirty. I didn't know you were going out with him," she commented.

"I'm not. He's just a really good friend who's been really concerned," I explained. Renee sat down at the foot of my bed.

"You've changed a lot in the past two weeks. You've been smiling a lot more. I occasionally hear a laugh come out of you. It's rather infectious. It makes me smile to see you finally happy again," she confessed.

"Can you be honest with me?" I requested.

"I've always been hoset with you, honey," she reminded me. I hesitated before asking my question.

"How much have I changed in the past four years?" I wondered.

"Well...do you want the story or the list?" she questioned.

"Story. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon," I told her. I began to eat as she made herself comfortable. Apparently this was going to be a long story.

"For the first year, both you and Alice isolated yourselves. According to her you guys sat alone in the corner of the cafeteria and if anyone tried to join you, you would both freak out. Watching you, I saw you grow obsessed with cooking. you barely let Alice help you with it. I still see that in you. It's just lightened up a lot.

"One thing I noticed when your father forced me to watch him torture you two was that you let it happen. You were never good at resisting anything, and this was no exception. Alice would jump on top of him, trying to stop him from hurting you, and then try to fight him off when he would turn on her. I don't know which was worse to watch: you just giving up, or Alice fighting both battles.

"It took me nearly a year to build up the courage to call Charlie and I'm sorry for that. At first it looked like you were going to get better. You and Alice celebrated for a few weeks. You were both laughing again. I had let you take a few celebratory weeks off of school, but when I finally sent you guys back, you changed.

"By then everyone had heard about what had happened, and all of your old friends ran straight to you to support you. Alice slowly re-embraced her old life, began dating Jasper again, doing things outside of school, and hanging out with old friends. When you came back from that first day, you were bawling. You ran upstairs and shut yourself in your room. When you cam down to cook, you looked livid. You were throwing ingredients around like a psychopath. Both Alice and I watched carefully as you ate in silence."

Renee paused for a moment. I could see how much it hurt her to remember, but it was vital if I had any chance of moving on. Edward had been right. I didn't deserve to let it trap me. If I ever wanted to completely heal, I had to accept what I had left behind me. I had to see what my friends had painfully watched.

"You never answered your cell phone," she began again, "so your friends would call the house. Whenever I delivered the phone to your room, you wouldn't answer the door. You wouldn't even say 'go away.' You just turned your music up louder.

"You hid yourself in your schoolwork. Your grades flew through the roof, but you were still never satisfied. Slowly, your depression turned into negativity. You began to talk again, but only to us, or if you were spoken to. Whenever we heard anything out of your mouth, it was either sarcasm or complaints. Rainy days put you in a slightly better mood and heavier music was coming from your room.

"When you began talking to other people, which was a rare occasion, you were very opinionated. Strongly opinionated. And most of the time, your opinion was that you hated whatever you were talking about. Once again, I was faced with a double-egded sword. I didn't know which I hated more: to watch you shut yourself away, or to watch you shove everything else away in hatred. Finally I figured this was better. You weren't suffering as much and you at least slightly socialized. Sure you never smiled, but you were at least somewhat mentally there.

"I've been seeing you improve, lately," she noted. "Like I said, you smile. You make plans, you're haging out with friends again, you complain less. It makes me smile to see you with brighter spirits."

"Renee? Can I ask you something else? It won't take as long to answer," I promised.

"Anything, sweetheart," she assured.

"Why didn't you ever tell me that everything was going to be okay?"

"Because I didn't even know. I didn't want to lie. I didn't want to get your hopes up. I couldn't stand the possibility of hurting you any more than you already had been hurt," she explained.

"But isn't lying what parents do best when they're trying to make their kids happy? Think about Santa! The Easter bunny! Those kept us happy for years, and those were only little lies. Imagine what a big lie could have done!" I irrationally compared.

"I didn't know how long it would last. I could see your trust in others fading, and I didn't want you to stop trusting me when things didn't get better right away."

I was done eating at that point. Renee quietly gathered my dinner stuff up and kissed my forehead before exiting the room, leaving me to feel like complete crap about what I had done.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was probably the reason why my father began beating Alice in the first place. If I had been able to stick up for myself, Alice wouldn't have had to do it for me, and my father would have never turned on her. I had been too angry with the world to really appreciate everything that Alice had ever done for me.

Despite how sore and tired I was, I stepped out of my, still in the clothes from last night. I went down the hall to Alice's room and knocked gently.

"Come in," she kindly replied. I opened the door, and just looking at her brought tears to my eyes. I was sobbing before I could even say anything. "Bella, what's wrong?"

When I finally gathered myself, I sat down on the floor where she had cleared a spot for me.

"I'm so sorry, Alice. I'm sorry that he turned on you. I'm sorry that I never thanked you for protecting me. I'm sorry," I blurted out. Alice put her hand on my shoulder reassuringly.

"I know you would have done the same for me. you were always unique like that. You would let people push you around, but if someone else was getting picked on, you would defend them," she recalled. "I don't regret it, either. Did you ever notice that he always started with you? I wasn't his child to beat. He never would have stopped if I didn't do anything. He would have killed you, I could tell. This way, I took half of your blows. You're my step-sister and my best friend. No beating in the world would have hurt me more than if I had lost you. That's why I started fighting for you. You know me, as helpful as I like to be, I try to let people fight their own battles. But knowing you would protect me, and knowing how much it would hurt if you died, that's what made my choice."

By the end of her speech, I was crying again. Alice wrapped her arms around me in comfort. Sure, Renee had been the one to finally call Charlie, but Alice had been the one who truly saved me.

Sitting in Alice's arms, I realized that Renee had been right. I had let everything happen. I had let my father beat me, I let him beat Alice, and I let him tear my world apart. I had let my friends abandoned me, and I was letting my father's memory stand between me and recovery.

I knew what I had to do, but I couldn't do it alone.


	9. Confrontation

I dreaded Monday, so of course it came ten times faster.

"Hey! It's the bowling champion!" Edward exclaimed as I climbed into the car. I could only smile. I couldn't ask him here. Not in front of Jasper, and definitely not in front of Alice. I had to wait until lunch, where we would be in the courtyard alone.

I walked slowly to lunch. I couldn't postpone lunch, but I could draw out the time it took for me to get there. When I opened the doors to the courtyard, Edward was waiting.

"Do you want to hang out after school today?" he wondered. That made everything slightly easier. At least I didn't have to bring it up.

"Actually, yeah, um. There's something I have to do, but I want you to come with me," I told him. I could tell that he saw I didn't only want him to come, but I needed him to come.

"What are you planning to do?" he questioned, now extremely curious.

"I need to visit my dad," I confessed.

"Why?" he wondered with severe repulsion.

"You were right. I can't let it control me anymore, and this is the only way that I know how."

"Where did this come from?" he inquired.

"I talked to Renee and Alice last night. I learned some things about myself and I saw what I had done to them. Though my father started the ball rolling, everything else they had been through was my fault. My father probably knew how things would turn out, and he did it anyway. I have some bridges I need to burn," I explained.

"I'll be with you the entire time...with a full box of tissues," he promised, adding a smile.

So after school, Jasper dropped Alice off and then drove us to their house. It was familiar, like I had seen it in a drew. A happy dream. But that was impossible. For the past few weeks, I hadn't been dreaming (with the exception of that coma dream), and before then, I only had nightmares.

When we reached the house, Jasper got out and Edward and I did a sort of Chinese fire drill. Jasper came out of the house to hand Edward the box of tissues and then Edward drove us to the jail.

I asked the lady at the entrance if she could mute my father's side of the line. I told her that I didn't want to hear what he had to say, that I wanted him to listen for once. She kindly agreed to.

Despite three years of changes, I could still see the disgusting man who was somehow genetically related to me. I picked up the phone, and after informing him that he was unable to talk, I began my speech.

"You're really sick, you know that? I understand that I just sat there and let you get away with whatever the hell you wanted, but that doesn't make it right. you let me watch rated R movies when I was five, that doesn't mean that it was the best idea in the world. And I don't care how much Alice says it would have hurt, but I would have much rathered that you had never touched her and just gone right ahead and killed me. What did I do anyway? I know that you knew how much of a pushover I was. you took advantage of that. You knew that I wouldn't fight back. What would you gain from that anyway? No fun when it's a one-way fight, and I hadn't done anything, so there was no need to punish me. Sure, I may have let everything happen. I let myself turn into who I've become, but you're the one who's pushed me here. You're the reason that I hate everything around me, you're the reason I can't remember anything before the first time you kicked me. Thanks to you, I've lost everyone around me other than Alice and Renee. I've lost three years of my life. Scars heal, but time is something you can't turn back.

"You know what I heard from Charlie? In jail, if you've killed a cop, you're pretty damn popular, but if you've done anything to a child, raped, beaten, or whatever, you're looked at as some of the lowest dirt, like you're not even worthy to pee in a jail urinal or something. It makes me warm and fuzzy inside to know that you only treated us like scum for one little year. Because you've been hated and looked down upon for three, and still have many left." I took a deep breath before getting back to the point.

"The only thing I remember in regards as to why you beat us is that you like control. I came here to tell you that you don't control me anymore, and by the time you're out of here, I'll be long out of the house and even if I wasn't, the courts would never give you custody back anyway, so you never will be in control again." With that, I got up and looked at Edward, who was still sitting, looking foolishly at the box of tissues in his lap. He grabbed them and stood to walk back to the car.

"That must have taken a lot. You sure gave him an earful," Edward complimented. "I'm proud of you. Why did you need me to help? You did fine." He didn't need to wait long for an answer. The tissues didn't seem like such a foolish idea anymore.

"I didn't know whether or not I was going to come out in one piece. I did know that even if I did, I would fall apart sometime before we got home," I explained, beginning to cry. "Renee and Alice had seen enough breakdowns to last them a lifetime. Plus, they had been involved. They would have had their own breakdowns, even if I didn't." Edward put his arm around me and handed me the box of tissues. "Three years of crying and tears might take a while to come out," I warned him.

"Nah, you'll run out of tears before you're done," he assured me, trying to cheer me up." I understand it's a lot of pain, but you shouldn't be unhappy right now. What you just did tops a game full of strikes. We should celebrate."

"And how do you propose we do that?" I questioned.

"Come to my house. We can stop and pick up Alice on the way, so her and Jasper could hang out. That would get another dinner off of your hands," he suggested.

"Oh no, four days in a row of no cooking. How will I ever survive?" I asked sarcastically.

I okayed it with Renee. She probably would have agreed to anything if it meant getting me out of the house and being social. So Alice hopped into the car with me and Edward drove us back to the dream house.

"I'm home," he called when we walked through the door. "I hope you don't mind that I invited Bella and Alice over for dinner." Edward's family was clearly visible in the large, open room.

"That's not a problem at all. You mother'll just have to set a couple more plates at the table. Nice to see you again, Bella. It's been a while," Carlisle, Edward's father, recalled. It seemed there was a double meaning to his words.

I was pretty comfortable with Carlisle. Familiarity and comfort were two things you gain with Carlisle when he's the head of the emergency room and you were in the ER about once a week for nearly a year. I hadn't been there in a while, but it seemed he had meant something else when he had said "It's been a while."

"Nice to see you, too," I replied. I recognized Esme from the frequent times she brought Carlisle lunch. Rosalie and Emmett had graduated last year, so I remembered them from school. And of course I already knew Jasper.

Rosalie and Jasper's situation, if I remembered right, was very unique. The were actually Esme's niece and nephew, and due to their summer birthday, their mother had been able to start Rosalie in school a year before Jasper. When their mother couldn't care for them anymore, Esme took them in. They were the Hales. The Cullen kids (Edward and Emmett) had been adopted at birth.

Carlisle and Esme were very hospitable. Edward's behaviour was slightly odd, however. The entire time, he was watching me like he was expecting something out of me, expecting me to do something.

My epiphany came a little too late for Edward to see. It arrived in another odd dream.


	10. Rekindled

**Author's note: I just want to thank everyone who has favorited/alerted me or my story or commented. After my previous update in one day I could barely open my inbox without pages of fanfic emails. I really appreciate your support. In case the start of this chapter is confusing, remember this is Bella's dream. I hope this chapter is satisfactory

* * *

**

The school bus was pulling away behind me.

"I'll call you tomorrow!" I called to it. I then walked with Alice to the door. I remembered this as the last day of eighth grade, the first day of hell. School was over and I was about to get the first dose of my nightmares.

"Hey, dad! We're home!" I yelled.

"Hey, James!" Alice called. My father appeared from around the corner.

"Who was that you were calling at? You dating that boy? I thought I said no dating until high school!" He shouted. I remembered wondering where the sudden accusations had come from.

"A) technically I'm out of middle school, so I _am _a highschool-er. B) It was just Edward. You've never had a problem with him before. C) I'm not dating him, we're just really good friends. D) Alice is allowed to date Jasper," I justified.

"Alice is not my daughter. I am, however _your_ father and legal guardian, and I do not appreciate your sass," he announced before slapping me across the face. I looked at him in shock.

"Whatever," I sighed, then proceeded to go to my room to do my homework. A harsh hand grabbed my arm to stop me.

"That will no longer be allowed," he ordered. I remembered asking myself what he had just forbidden. I wasn't thinking for long because he quickly threw me to the ground. The only thing I could see through my tears, and around my father, was Alice's petrified face as my father gave me repeated blows.

"MOM!" Alice yelled, running for Renee.

After a few minutes of being struck and thrown into pools of my own blood, Alice came bolting back downstairs with Renee. Renee froze in shock. Indecision was written all over Alice's face. I only now, four years later, know what her decision would be.

"Get off of her!" she cried, leaping on top of my dad.

My mind woke me up before I had to watch the rest again.

I barely got much sleep after my dream. Not only had I re-experienced a part of my life that my mind knew was off-limits, but I had come to a painful conclusion: Edward and I had had some sort of past. He had been a part of my life, and I had let him go. Now I realized why he had been looking at me the way he did while I was at his house, and why Carlisle had said that it had been a while. I had been over there before, years ago, and Edward was expecting me to remember.

The tears wouldn't stop falling. Alice and Renee watched me closely as I got ready for school, but they said nothing.

The instant I slumped in the car, I could feel Edward's eyes on me. I couldn't look at him, though. I knew that the instant I did, it would be enough to make me want to kill myself. I could feel Edward's panic in the air. I didn't think there was any possibility of him accomplishing his daily task of making me smile today.

"Alice, switch spots with me," Edward demanded before Jasper could pull out of the driveway. Alice didn't hesitate to jump out of the car and let Edward handle the mess that I had become. Edward took the middle seat to be closer to me. He held me tight to him. I melted in his embrace. I couldn't remember anything that we had been through, but at least now I understood why his company made me happy. Edward rubbed my back soothingly the entire way to the school.

Before he could even say anything at lunch, I spoke. I had to speak then before the lump in my throat make it impossible.

"How much did it hurt you?" I asked him. "Be honest."

"Say what?" was Edward's first response. Then comprehension flickered across his face. "What did you remember?"

"Not much, I'll admit. I don't even remember how close we were. I just had a dream about the last day of middle school," I explained. "My father asked who I was yelling back at and I said 'It was just Edward.' How much did it hurt you?" I repeated. Edward took a long while to reply.

"That first day, freshman year, I saw what Alice did to Jasper. I was scared that you would treat me the same way. And I knew what was happening before everyone else did, because Carlisle works at the hospital. He made me promise not to say anything or do anything that would imply what was going on because it could get him in trouble.

"After your father was arrested and Alice started to get better, I got hopeful. But watching you, I saw you still push your friends away. Then one day you looked into my eyes with disappointment, like I had let you down more than everyone else. That's what hurt me the most: the idea that on top of all the pain you had been through, I had hurt you as well. When Jasper got his driver's license and started driving us all to school, I hoped one day I would gain the courage to apologize for whatever I had done, but you never looked like you were in the mood. You were falling apart, and I had a front row seat the entire time," he revealed. When I was finally able to look him in the eyes, I saw that his tears were beginning to fall along with mine.

Before he could say anything else, I threw my arms around him. I found him wrapping his arms around me in return. We both sat there and sobbed for a few minutes. I didn't think I had ever seen Edward cry before. Finally I spoke.

"I'm so sorry, Edward!" I cried into his shoulder. "I can't believe I did that to you! And you just came back like I had never hurt you. I didn't deserve that. I still don't." With that, he released me, only to firmly grab my shoulders and force me to look him in the eye.

"Relax, Bells," he instructed. "I knew what I was talking about when I said that your friends would take you back if you let them. I couldn't speak for all of them, but I knoew the instant that you needed someone, _I _would come running."

"How did you do it? If it hurt you so much, how did you stand it?" I asked.

"I had my distractions," he simply stated. He tucked a stray strand of hair back behind my ear. "Plus, everyday that I saw you healthy, at least physically, I had a reason to hope that you would eventually come around. Now you have. The past few weeks have been the best weeks I've had in a long time. If either of us owes the other anything, I owe you thanks. Your situation was understandable. I couldn't hold that against you, so you don't owe me any apologies, okay?"

"I still feel terrible about this. Three years is a long time. I want to do something to make it up to you."

"How about this weekend? The state fair is starting up. The only thing you'd owe me is to come. I'll pay for everything. Three years _is _a long time, and you can start making it up then. How does that sound?" he suggested.

"Great," I agreed. Anything to stay near Edward. The bell rang.

"Do you want me to walk you to class?" he offered, wiping away one of my tears that hadn't been caught, yet.

"That would be terrific," I sighed, not wanting to leave his side. He wouldn't let me carry my own books. In one arm he carried his books and mine, and the other was wrapped around me. We walked in comfortable silence to my class. The thrill of reunion was almost tangible. The walk was too short.

I hugged him close before he could let me go.

"Thank you," I whispered into his ear. I pulled away, leaning against the wall.

"For what?" Edward questioned.

"For not giving up. For giving me another chance," I told him, grabbing my books from him.

"I told you. I've always cared, and I always will, Bells," he replied before leaning in to kiss the top of my head. My breath got lost somewhere in my throat and stomach dropped to the point of non-existence. He smiled his charming, crooked smile before turning away.

The rest of the day went by in a meaningless blur. I don't think I heard a single word that anyone said. I didn't even remember going from class to class. I just remembered becoming elated at the sound of the final bell.

Edward took the same seat in the car that he had that morning, next to me. The only voices heard on the ride home were Alice's, Jasper's and whoever was on the radio.

Edward got out of the car with me when we arrived at my house. He paused at the door to the passenger seat to pull me close into another unexpected, yet completely appreciated hug. I hoped this was going to become a habit of his.

His behavior continued like this the rest of the week. Alice sat shotgun while Edward rode in back with me. We would eat lunch together, and Edward would walk me to class, holding my books. Before we parted, he would always kiss the top of my head and smile his perfect smile that had a tendency to take my breath away. And lastly, when we arrived at my house, he would get out and crush me to him before climbed into the passenger seat.

"So," I asked on friday before he hugged me goodbye, "are we going to the fair tonight or tomorrow?"

"Why not tomorrow?" he suggested. "We have yet to do something on a Saturday, unless you count bowling, since we were there until three Saturday morning."

"Sounds good," I agreed. "See you tomorrow."

"I'll pick you up at five," he told me, before adding an unsheduled kiss on my forehead, which was followed by the traditional hug goodbye. "I'll see you tomorrow."

When I walked in the door, Alice just about jumped me.

"Jasper told me! You remembered something!" She exclaimed. I glared at her. "What? You didn't expect Edward to not tell at least Jasper, did you? He was so ecstatic. Anyway, what are you guys doing this weekend?" she pressed.

"State fair. Nothing big," I lied. To me it was huge. "Now can you move aside so that I can get upstairs to do my homework?" Alice rolled her eyes.

"Whatever," she said before hugging me. "I'm so proud of you."

I turned my glare up a notch when she let me go.

"Okay, I get it, I'm moving, sheesh," she exaggerated before letting me pass

* * *

**Author's note: for those of you who have been confused on whether it's three or four years, it's been three years since her father's stopped beating them, but four years that Bella has been isolating herself. Hope that helps**


	11. Falling

I needed to relax. I was going to spend a large portion of the evening with Edward, and I couldn't be all gittery for it. So I was having a nice, calming, quiet Saturday afternoon...until about four o'clock.

That's when Alice bursted in declaring an intervention. She rumaged through my closet until she found a deep-blue v-neck top and threw it at me. She then pulled out a fitting pair of jeans to go with it.

"What's this about?" I asked her, holding up the shirt.

"Trust me, you'll thank me for it later," she assured me. I drew the line when she tried to do my hair and make-up.

The doorbell rang at exactly five o'clock. I couldn't hide my excitement as I ran downstairs. When I opened the door, I found Edward leaning against the door frame, smiling his crooked smile.

"You remembered that I liked that color on you," he commented.

"Actually, Alice kind of just threw it at me," I told him. "Thanks, Alice!" I called behind me.

"What did I tell you?" I heard her reply.

"So are we going?" Edward casually asked.

"Let's go," I confirmed. He put his arm around me and walked me to the car.

The rides were fine, and always got a good scream out of me. Edward found that rather amusing. _I _found it amusing to beat him up for making fun of me. We took a break for a while to play some games. Edward's ability to dunk the person at the dunk tank every time amazed me.

"How did you get such good aim?" I asked him while we were waiting in line for another ride.

"My family plays baseball together all the time. Well, now it's whenever Rosalie and Emmett are in town. You used to come and watch all the time. You were always too scared to play, though it was understandable, considering you were and still are one of the clumsiest people I know," he explained. "We're playing tomorrow. You should come."

"Sounds great," I agreed.

"If you don't mind, I want to take you somewhere first," he requested.

"Where?" I wondered.

"It's a surprise. So do you mind?" he repeated.

"Well, all of your surprises so far have been pleasant. Why would this be any different?"

Then we boarded the ride. It was one of those free-fall ones. Something bugged me about the way the voice on the intercom was so cheery while it discussed how it was a high-intensity ride. I don't think I realized how high the ride was until we were about half way up. Edward saw me stiffen beside him and took my hand in his. I looked over at him. His dazzling smile was the last thing I saw before we dropped.

I was so shaky afterward that I couldn't even stand up. Edward had to piggy-back me away. The fall had reminded me of being thrown to the ground by my father, which probably explained why I was so shaky. The instant I began to sob, Edward found a bench and sat, taking me in his arms. He didn't say anything. I knew that he blamed himself, and he knew I hated that, hence the silence. I slowly began to calm down after reminding myself that I wasn't going to let my past control me anymore.

"Are you okay?" Edward wondered when I was solemn.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. It wasn't fair for you to see that," I apologized.

"Hey. What did I tell you about apologies? I don't want to hear them from you. I understand," he assured me. "You need some sugar in you," he commented. He took my hand and led me to one of the concession stands, buying both of us ice cream. Trying to brighten my spirits, he began to make fun of some of my reactions again. It worked. My mood was lifted enough to smash the remainder of my ice cream in his face. Soon, Edward returned the favor, and my face was covered in ice cream, too. Not too long after that, we were both lauging, wiping off each other's faces with napkins.

"Shall we go waste more money on impossible gamed?" he suggested.

"They don't seem that impossible for you," I noted.

"I'll take that as a yes," he assumed, grabbing my hand again. He did waste some money by letting me try a few of the games. The bowling should have clued him in as to how bad I sucked at everything. Instead, he insisted on making sure I wasn't just a spectator.

Most of the prizes that Edward received were lame, as could be expected from a state fair. They were mostly just things like hats, t-shirts, and water bottles, half of which he doted on me. Then, Edward played a ballon and dart game.

The second balloon his popped sent confetti everywhere. That won him his selection of a prize hanging from the stand's canopy. Within seconds, Edward was handing me a large teddy bear.

"I know I already gave you one, but stuffed animals look goofy in guys' rooms," he justified. I raised my eyebrows at him. "Okay, so maybe that's not the only reason," he admitted. When he put it like that, I couldn't help but accept it. I attempted to use it to hide my reddening cheeks. Edward moved the bear's head to the side of my face.

"If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide you face. I've lived without it smiling for as long as I can stand," he confessed. He took my face in his hands and pressed his lips very softly to mine. My heart nearly pounded out of my chest. I was sure he could hear it. "By the way, you're adorable when you blush," he added when our lips parted. I grinned in embarrassment. "I should get you home. You don't do well with all-nighters," Edward recalled.

"Yeah," I agreed, still flustered. He laughed as he took my hand and we began walking towards the car.

He drove one-handed, holding my hand on the seat. I caught him taking small glances at me the entire ride home. I had noticed on the ride to the jail that Edward had a lead foot. I was glad that he kept the speed reasonable on this ride. All the more time with him.

When we pulled up to my house, he instructed me to say, and when around the car to open my door for me. Though I could have done it myself, I was glad that he did because of all the things I had to carry. He helped me with those, too.

"So, did you have a good time?" he asked, handing me all of my stuff back.

"Hey, I said all of your surprises were pleasant, so you tell me whether or not you think I had a good time."

"So is that a yes?" he wondered.

"Duh," I replied.

"You get some sleep. I don't want you to be half-dead for the game tomorrow, or the trip before. I'll pick you up at noon, okay?"

"Sounds good," I confirmed.

"Terrific," he said, leaning in to kiss me again. Nothing that I was holding was breakable, so I lightly dropped everything to wrap my arms around his neck to prolong the kiss. I found his arms wrapping around my waist in return. It was all over too soon. "Goodnight, Bells," he wished before helping me pick all of my stuff back up.

There was something stuck in my throat, something I wanted to say. But the only thing that would come out of my mouth was a wimply little "Goodnight." Only once the door was closed behind me and he was gone could I blurt it out.

"I love you, Edward Cullen."


	12. The Meadow

I got dressed in a daze. I didn't feel like the same person, yet the same face was looking back at me in the mirror. Then I saw the teddy bear in the corner of my room and I finally felt like myself.

Last night had sent a lot of questions running through my mind. The biggest was: had I been in love with Edward before my life had been taken from me, before my memories were hidden in shadows? I hated these questions about my pass, these questions that kept me up at night, but I had no way to answer them. Only one inquiry I had could be answered, and I hoped I would learn the answer today.

As always, Edward was right on time, already smiling by the time I opened the door.

"Good morning," he said softly before lifting my chin to kiss me gently. "How did you sleep?"

"Very well," I replied to his satisfaction, kissing him back. "How was your night?"

"Kind of lame after I left your house," he joked. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah," I told him, grabbing my jacket.

"Let's go," he said, taking my hand.

He drove us just north of town and down a narrow road that led through trees and wilderness. We finally reached the end of the road. There was a trail, but Edward took my hand and pulled me into the brush, helping me step over rocks and holding branches out of my way. We must have gone at least five miles before he led me to an opening in the trees.

It was a beautiful, perfectly circular meadow full of vibrant wildflowers. A stream was flowing somewhere beyond the trees. You could hear its every wave in the stillness of the meadow. It was the prettiest place I had ever seen.

"Edward! What is this place?" I asked him enthusiastically.

"I found this place right before sixth grade," he explained. "We used to come here all the time, just us." Suddenly his face saddened. He lifted our clasped hands to stroke my cheekbone. "Over that summer - before freshman year - I didn't know what was happening to you. Doctor-patient confidentiality. Carlisle didn't tell me until I pried it from him after I saw you that first day. Once I knew, I came here every weekend by myself. That was one of my 'distractions.' Your presence was engraved in this place. It didn't hurt as much. Every weekend for four years I came here," he confessed.

We found a spot on the ground that miraculously wasn't damp and sat down. I wondered how I would ask him. I knew it hurt him to talk about the past, what had been. But he wanted me to remember. Plus, he reminded _me _of painful events. Sure I didn't hold it against him, but he still owed me. I took a deep breath.

"Edward? Can you be honest with me again?" I requested.

"I would never lie to you, Bella," he swore. I paused again.

"How close were we?" I quietly asked. It took Edward a while to reply.

"I don't know how you felt. We never talked about it. All I knew was how I felt for you. I remember getting ready for that first day of high school, thinking about nothing but the fact that I would be able to see you again. I remember telling myself in the car on the way to school 'this is the year that I'm going to tell her exactly how much I care for her.' I had this big plan on how I was going to ask you to homecoming and everything," he admitted.

"But like I said, I didn't know if you felt the same way. you had another group of friends, too. A group that included other guys. I didn't know how you felt about them. The only other person I hung out with was Jasper. I always had a hunch that you felt slightly the same, though, considering you would call me before I could make any other plans over spring, summer, and winter break," he explained.

I thought this over. Could there have been someone else? Ever since that dream, I had believed that Edward was my Parker. In a way, he was: he had been watching me the entire time, hoping that I would recover. But what if Avery had a best friend that she had fallen for, but she knew that he wasn't interested or something, so she only 'just settled' with Parker, though she didn't love him that way. What if that's why she couldn't remember?

"Do you think there's some way that I can remember just us? What if I _had _liked one of my other guy friends? They obviously don't care anymore, so I don't want to feel that rejection. And what if they _do _still care? I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have," I ranted.

"Don't worry about me, Bells," he ordered. "The only thing that would hurt me more than losing you would be you staying with me just to make me happy. Like I said, it's most painful to watch when you hurt yourself _because _of someone else."

"You never said that," I commented, though I was sure I _had_ heard those words before.

"Didn't I?" he verified.

"Not to my knowledge," I told him.

"Well, it doesn't matter, anyway. I said it now and that's all that's important," he concluded. "As to your previous dilema, if you do remember someone else that you had feelings for, just remember that I came back before you remembered. I'll let you decide whether or not that will influence what you choose. In any event, it's your choice."

We sat there for a while. For once, the silence began to get uncomfortable. So I broke it.

"What did we do here before?" I asked.

"Mostly we just talked. Nothing serious really went on, we just came here a lot, which is what made it special. Sometimes we were on sugar highs and if we weren't worn out by the long walk, we would just run around, using the open space to burn off all the energy. Not much significant went on here, but we didn't leave for hours, so coming here together meant so much time spent with you. Every time that you said 'let's go to the meadow,' a pulse of eagerness rushed through my veins. I was hoping that bringing you here would help you remember," he said, looking sorrowful again.

"Don't get upset," I told him. "Any memories I have of you would probably only increase what I feel for you now. Even without remembering, I've been able to fall for you. So at least for now, it doesn't matter. Let's focus on now, and not back then, okay?" I suggested.

"You're right," he agreed, standing up and offering his hand to help me up. I took it and allowed him to pull me up. "We have just about enough time to get to the clearing for the game anyway."

Edward never released me the entire hike back to the car. He either had a hold of my waist or my hand and he never let me go. His attachment (and, if I was being honest, my own) made me hope that there hadn't been anyone else. It was becoming clearer that Edward would never leave me, and the thought of me leaving Edward was rather impossible. I couldn't do that to myself or him. Especially not him.

He kept his arm around me the whole ride to a clearing where Edward had said they played baseball. There was a little more hiking involved to get from the road to the clearing, and my hand never left his as we walked.

Edward's family had brought a cooler with them full of water bottles and sodas. Edward reached into the cooler and handed me a coke. i was about to ask how he knew what I wanted, until I remembered that he actually had recollection of my likes and dislikes, whereas I remembered nothing about him. He grabbed another coke for himself and held his can out to mine.

"To now, whether you remember the past or not," Edward toasted in a cheesy sort of way, tapping his can to mine. He popped his soda opened and took a sip. I followed suit. He then pulled me by my waist into his arms before kissing me. He kissed me repetitively this time, until Emmett started whopping. Embarrassed, I hid my face in Edward's shoulder. Edward found that rather funny.

Emmett, Edward and Rosalie were on one team, Carlisle, Jasper and Esme on the other. Edward's team won because Edward was Speedy Gonzales and Emmett a hit home run nearly every time. Because their innings were shorter, so was the game. So as fun as it was to watch, it was all over too soon.

I was back in the car before I knew it, Edward still holding my hand. he was very interested in the play-by-play of the game from my perspective. Then our evening was cut short.

Edward's smooth, silvery, musical laugh was the last thing I heard before the silence. Before I blacked out.


	13. Avery

Once again, I had been unable to protect Bella. It wasn't that I'd been careless, though. You just can't prevent every driver from running red lights. Unfortunately Bella was paying for it.

Carlisle had said that she was going to be fine, he examined her himself. But being a doctor's son, I had learned how easily that statement could turn into "Dammit! How did I miss that?" and suddenly Bella would be dead or something.

Supposedly the only reason that Bella was still unconscious was because her injuries required sedation to heal. They couldn't risk her moving around and disturbing the healing process. Still, I couldn't help but worry. There were some things that I hadn't don, and if she left, I would never be able to do.

Such as telling her that I loved her. I had held her and I had kissed her, but I had never had the nerve to say those three little words. I hadn't been able to bring myself to do it, not with the chance that I could still hurt her, like I just had.

And I would never be able to help her heal completely, helping her remember, though she said she didn't need it. As much as I loved Bella the way she was now, I couldn't help but long for the way she had been, so that I could spend less time explaining, and more time simply to be with her.

I thought that writing everything all down would have been the key to escaping my pain. I never once imagined that it would minimize both mine and Bella's. That book had made her quiet that day in the car, enough to make me curious. That was what sparked our first real conversation in four years. That led to the encouraging note I placed on her locker, which surprisingly made her cry. From there we had only gotten closer. My pain was not completely gone, and neither was hers. But it made me feel better to know that, without planning it, I had brought us back together.

I had put his feelings on paper, put him in my shoes, but only now did I actually feel like Parker. This time, my Avery actually was in a hospital bed, with me beside her, holding her hand in mine. And though Carlisle had given me his word that she wuold be fine, it would be just my luck for her to wake up and not remember the past month. it would be worse this time, though, because she wouldn't be able to will herself to remember. It wouldn't be a mental thing anymore, it would be purely physical.

It hurt to stay. It pained me to see her lifeless face and limp body. But I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. I was going to be there for this coma. I wasn't going to sit there on the sidelines like I had before, when I had the power to tell the police, to save her sooner. And when she woke up this time, I wouldn't just wait for her to come to her senses. I was going to be there, this time assuring her that everything was going to be alright.

A few days after I had told her about her story from my perspective, I realized why she had looked at me the way that she had the first day that she had come to school after her father had been arrested. I finally understood why she had looked at me as if I had hurt her more than everyone else: because I had. Though she couldn't remember, I was sure that she must have at least understood how I felt for her, if not felt the same. She had reason to believe that I would help her, and I hadn't.

I wasn't going to let her down again. Not after I had given her more reason to place her trust in me than before. I wasn't going to let her go, not after I just got her back. One month was not enough for me. I had waited so long for what we had now. I wasn't about to give up without a fight.

My feelings for Bella were so strong that the three wimpy words of "I love you" seemed like nothing. If there was a better word, maybe the phrase would sound more true. But what I felt was so indescribable that there couldn't possibly be a term for it. But like I said before, I was afraid of hurting her, afraid of making that statement seem false due to more than just an inaccurate description of my feelings. Though I had never heard the words out of _her _mouth, that was more understandable. It was harder for her to trust people, especially me, since I had let her down before.

I pulled a small photo book out of my book bag. This had been one of my "distractions" for all these years. I had put it together the instant that I found out about Bella's dad. I had dug through all my photos to find the happiest memories I could. Back then I would flip through the pages to see the Bella that I knew, loved, and missed, the Bella that I believed was somewhere inside the broken one. Now I used it to remind myself why I had to endure her memory loss, because of how much I needed her. It also reminded me that I needed to get my digital camera out and document newer memories of her, now that she was happier. all of these photos were at least four years old.

She had been so full of life, so optimistic. She had at least one bruise in every picture. But those were the result of Bella just being the clumsy girl that I had fallen in love with. I could probably tell you how she got each one. These bruises didn't break my heart. She never hid her smile, unless that was the pose we were aiming for. All of the candids showed her happier than a five-year-old who just got a new bike.

My lips pulled into a smile as I reached one of my favorites. It was all of us: Me, Bella, Jasper, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme. It was Bella's fourteenth birthday party, shortly into our eighth grade year. The last school year that we would have together. Bella was smiling behind her lit birthday cake. Renee had taken this picture. This picture was only salvageable because James had been at work, or else he would have been in it. Then I would have thrown it out with all of the other pictures of Bella and her father together.

When I reached the last picture, my eyes began to water.

This photo sat on the brink of Bella's memory. Bella's dream had taken her to the moment she was calling back to the bus. This picture had been taken just minutes before she had stepped off: the last day of middle school. It was the last picture of the completely happy Bella that I wasn't sure I was going to get back one hundred percent. The Bella that saw everyone as just people and not jerks who had never helped her. The Bella that looked at every day as a day to make memories, instead of just another 24 hours of lame non-existence. The smile on her face was almost always glued to her face, her eyes always curious and intuitive. The rosy patches on her cheeks were nearly permanent with her being so clumsy that she was constantly blushing in embarrassment.

What I wouldn't give to have the rest of this Bella back. It stung not to see the blush light up her cheeks. her eyes had been getting softer, but lately they had been more cautious and sad than curious. I would take any form of Bella that I could get, but she had belittled herself so much when she had so much more to live for. And I could see that this picture-perfect Bella was still in there. I could see it in the courage that she had to embrace her past and move on.

Suddenly, there was a light tap on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen. Only family members are allowed over night," the kind nurse, Gianna, reminded me. Unfortunately, due to the lack of population in Forks, the address of "Mr. Cullen" was not the result of some visitor sign in or something. Gianna knew who I was. So I couldn't use the excuse of "I'm sorry Ma'am, I didn't know." The son of a doctor doesn't easily forget the rules.

"Is it eleven already?" I asked instead.

"Yes. Your father's shift just ended. He's waiting downstairs to take you home," she informed me.

"Thank you," I told her. I stood up and leaned in to kiss Bella's forehead before lightly stoking her cheek. "I love you, Bella, more than you know, more than even I can comprehend. I know I've never said it enough, but it's true. I'll never stop loving you."

Now that I made the connection between myself and Parker, I realized how much I sounded like him. I became amazed that Bella hadn't made the connection, yet. I planted another kiss on her head and left my Bella to heal in peace.


	14. Picture Perfect

When I finally began to open my eyes, I saw the familiar lighting of a hospital room. My body was stiff so I could barely move. The only things that I could remember were Edward's laugh in my ear before the screeching of tires and headlights in my window.

I looked around automatically, but only a few nurses were there, mumbling about something on my charts. Before jumping to the conclusion that no one cared, I figured that it must be a weekday morning. Edward and Alice would be at school, and Renee at work. After asking Gianna (Someone I had gotten rather close to during my year of beating), I learned that I was right.

During my scan of the room, something on the bedside table caught my eye. Despite the stiffness, I stretched my arm out to take it. It looked like some sort of photo album. I figured Edward must have been entertaining himself with it and left it by accident. Temptation began to pulse through my veins. If Edward was right about how close we were, I would probably be in at least one of those pictures. This little scrapbook could hold memories that my mind couldn't find. The curiosity took over.

I flipped the cover slowly.

The first picture pushed a little giggle from my lips. Two kids, probably around three years old, running though the rain. I could clearly tell that the little boy was Edward, his bronze hair darkened in the rain. I recognized the Cullen's front lawn. I figured the little girl in the photo must have been Rosalie, his cousin-turned-foster-sister. Even if Esme hadn't taken them in, yet, just being related would be enough for Rosalie and Jasper to be over, right? But then I realized how wrong the hair color was for this to be Rosalie. And then, slightly blurred in the background, I saw my mother. The tears that began to build weren't from looking at my long-lost mother, they were from realizing that this was me in the picture.

I was the little girl running around the Cullen's yard getting soaked in the rain. Just like Avery, I _had _grown up with my Parker, and I _had_ forgotten about him. I flipped through the pages, anxious for more revelations.

As I turned the pages, the faces grew more recognizable as mine and Edward's. There was a lot less time passing between photos the further I got. I figured at that point, Edward must have gotten his own camera and could take pictures more often. I shifted through the pages of field trips, birthday parties, and casual hangouts.

The girl in the pictures looked like me, but it didn't feel like I was looking in a mirror. It felt like I was reviewing someone else's life instead of my own. I wanted this life. I wanted to be as happy as that smiling face in the picture, with someone like Edward who would always be there for me. I knew Edward wasn't going anywhere, but I wanted these memories more than I wanted my father dead...which was a lot. For once, I wanted to remember more than Edward wanted me to.

I was looking at the last picture (me and Edward on a school bus from the looks of it) when a voice cam from the doorway.

"I didn't mean to leave that," Edward informed me. Despite his words, he looked at me expectantly. Even if he hadn't left it there on purpose, I could tell that he thought that his forgetfulness would have helped me remember something.

"I want it back. I want all of it back, Edward," I chocked out before beginning to tear again. He would have taken me in his arms, had I not been in a bed with rails on the sides. Instead, he leaned in and took my face in his hands. His eyes burned into mine.

"You'll get it back, I promise. You already have half," he reminded me, referring to himself. He then pulled my face to his and kissed me more fiercely than he ever had. "I love you, Bella, and I'm not going to let you live in misery. I'll make sure you remember. I'll make sure you get it all back. You are the most important thing to me, Bella. You always have been," he confessed, kissing me again.

I was sure that he could hear my heartbeat at that moment. It was the first time that he had said he loved me. I mean I kinda figured by the way he kissed me and how he could always rush to my side when I needed him most. But this made my heart jump more than that dumb free-fall ride had.

"So, are you going to help me here, or am I going to have to remember all of these myself?" I asked jokingly. Edward cracked a smile.

"Actually, I was thinking about getting an updated picture. The most recent I have is four years old," he told me, pulling a flashy little digital camera out of his pocket. He leaned in as best as he could with the rails. I looked at the camera and smiled. "That wasn't exactly the picture I was going for," he noted before titling my face towards his to kiss me. The flash lit on the other side of my closed eyes. He flipped the camera around so we could look at the picture. "I've been waiting for this shot for a long time," he admitted.

"You can ask for a retake whenever you want," I assured him, kissing him back. His lips lingered on mine for a moment before he let me speak again. "I love you, too, Edward. More than I've loved anyone before. I'm sure even though I don't remember them, I couldn't possibly love or have loved anyone like this," I told him. His lips twitched up into a smile as he stroked my cheek.

Not long after that, Edward began shooting off memories one by one. They sounded familiar, but only as if I heard someone else tell them. They still didn't feel like my memories. It sounded like I had had a great life, though. Edward went rattling off embarrassing moments and inside jokes.

While he listed off stories of our past friendship, his face lit up like a child at a circus. I couldn't help but share his joy. Reliving those moments was fun for him, and I think, for the first time, I truly understood and appreciated how much better my life would be now that Edward was in it. If we had as much fun together _before _we were tangled in these emotions, I couldn't imagine what kind of happiness the future would give me now that we were this close.

But at the end of the day, I still couldn't remember personally being in any of the situations that he described. For all I knew, Edward was making everything up. Of course I trusted him more than that, but technically it was possible. When I expressed this to Edward before he had to go, he just encouraged me more.

"One day, you'll remember, Bella. I'll dig up some old videos if I have to. Like you said, nothing will change between us when you remember, unless things get better. You'll just be able to enjoy everything even more, and you'll understand where my feelings come from - " he began.

"Oh, so you only love me now because of who I was back then!?" I snapped, jumping to conclusions.

"Of course not, Bella," he defended. "I love you now because you took me back, a chance I didn't deserve, and still don't. I loved you then and I love you now. You're still you, and I love that. You're just a little more cautious. What I meant about my feelings was that I first started loving you then, and those feelings carried over. That's why I said you would understand," he justified. "Because that's when it all began. I promise - I swear - that even if you never remember, I will still love you forever," he pledged.

He let me think it all over. I finally decided that I believed him. After all, he must have loved me the way he said to stick around for four years waiting. As far as I knew, he had never lied to me before. Why would this be different?

"I'm sorry I snapped," I apologized.

"It's understandable. You've been hurt so much that you expect it. I should have said that differently so you wouldn't have taken it that way," he replied.

"Hey, no blaming yourself," I ordered. "Let's just forget that part of the conversation."

"Sounds great," he agreed.

"I _will _get better. I want to be that girl in the pictures," I told him.

"You already are. You just don't remember your past. That's all," he assured me before standing up and leaning in to kiss me goodbye. "Get some sleep. I'll be here after school tomorrow," he promised.

"Wait! Don't tell me you still have homework? It's eleven, you'll be up all night!"

"Don't worry about it, without my lunch partner I have plenty of time then," he informed me.

"Half an hour?" I questioned.

"Hey, I'm not just fast on the baseball field," he said jokingly. "Plus, English is always easy. There's not a book in the curriculum that I haven't already read. There's one subject down. Goodnight, Bells."

"I love you," I reminded him when he reached the door.

"I love you, too," he replied. "I always will."

Even when he left, things felt picture perfect.

* * *

**Author's note: THIS IS NOT THE END. I gave this to a couple friends to see if this sounded good, and they thought I was done. Trust me, the picture perfectness gets better!**


	15. The Yearbooks

A week after I got back from the hospital, everyone was adjusted to the changes. No one stared at Edward and I in the halls anymore, and Renee got in the habit of setting two more places at the table for dinner: one for Jasper and one for Edward. Edward and I were inseparable.

A routine was starting to form. Edward would go to the door, insisting that Jasper shouldn't honk. Alice would dart out of the door in front of me. Edward would pull me into a one-armed hug before he would cup my face in his other hand, tilting my head up to press his lips to mine. Then he would walk me to the car, needlessly help me in, then jump in after me.

Edward would walk me to and from every class. He would never let me slip behind the classroom door without kissing me, and I had no problem with that.

Until the end of the week, the surrounding people would turn to stare. I could only guess what was going through their minds. I could understand, though. Until recently, I was a pessimistic person who always sat silently with her step-sister and her step-sister's boyfriend. And Edward, well, he was so anti-social before that I had only seen him in the car to and from school. It would look odd that we would be able to migrate from our past status enough to start dating.

At the same time, if they had known us before high school, and chances were that they did, the match shouldn't have been that surprising.

Edward spent every afternoon at my house, and pretty much every evening, too. Generally Jasper stayed, as well. He would have taken Alice to his house, but that just wasted gas. It was easier to carpool this way.

We were on the couch watching one of the videos that Edward had brought over. In this video, Emmett had thought it would be funny to videotape a game of pool in which I (being my clumsy self) repeatedly stabbed and jabbed Edward accidentally with my cue. When the Edward in the video officially kicked my butt at pool, the arm of the real Edward disappeared from around my waist. He checked his watch and sighed.

"Jasper and I have to go," Edward mentioned, starting to get up. I stood with him, grabbing his hand to look at his watch myself.

"But it's only four thirty," I whined.

"I know. Esme's been complaining about us never being home for dinner, though. So we promised we'd be home early today," he explained.

"Well what did you go and do that for?" I complained.

He laughed and hugged me to him.

"I'm amazed you haven't grown tired of me, yet," he chuckled.

Alice and I walked Edward and Jasper to the Volvo. Edward kissed me softly before slipping into the car.

Now what was I supposed to do?

I trudged up the stairs lazily. Generally Edward and Jasper stayed so late that by the time they left I was exhausted and would go straight to bed. I was no where near tired now, and I hadn't even had dinner, yet. It was going to be a long night.

I dug through my messy room, trying to find something to do. Maybe cleaning my room would keep me occupied. While trying to accomplish this impossible task, I stumbled on one of my yearbooks. Perhaps it was finally time to revisit these.

It just happened to be my eighth grade yearbook. The blossom of Edward and my previous relationship. Our school did the whole "senior poll" mock-up. Edward and I had been voted "Most likely to stay friends even after college." Other than our mug shots, every photo that had Edward in it had me in it. I couldn't say the same vice-verse: Like Edward had said, I had had other friends.

I realized that Edward never failed to smile in the pictures, even when he didn't seem to notice the camera. I flipped back to the mug shots in curiosity. My hunch was right: his grin wasn't as wide. Something made me think that _i _was the one pulling Edward smile from ear to ear. I had to find my three high-school yearbooks to be sure, though.

It took me until after dinner to find my yearbooks from freshman, sophomore, and junior year, and I somehow managed to make an even bigger mess of my room in the process. I flipped through the pages and what I saw shouldn't have surprised me, but it did.

Every shot that I was in, Edward was somewhere in the background with his eyes locked on the back of my head. His lips were locked into a frown and his eyes were pained. Pictures had been taken the first day of school. Edward's mug looked confused in the freshman yearbook. He had seen that something was wrong, but hadn't been able to ask Carlisle, yet.

He had never stopped watching me. Like he had told me: He had always cared. I wondered why I never felt his eyes on me then, like I always did now. I even rode to and from school with him for years.

I thought I felt someone watching me. I looked at the doorway. No one was there. The feeling didn't go away, though. It was as if all those years of Edward watching me were catching up to me.

I hoped this meant that I could actually feel my memories soon. I had been experiencing my memories like watching them through someone else's eyes. Maybe, though I couldn't remember Edward watching me, I could feel it now.

That hope was probably the only reason why that feeling didn't give me nightmares. I did, however, have another Edward related dream.

I was sitting at a desk, Edward next to me. We were both anxiously watching the clock. We were definitely in a middle school classroom. The bell rang and Edward and I did some sort of little happy dance before Edward placed his hands on my shoulders to stop me.

"While everyone else is celebrating and droning on about 'see you next year,' let's get good seats on the bus!" he suggested.

"Good idea," I applauded.

"Race ya?" he wondered.

"Nice try. There's no way I could beat you," I admitted.

"Okay, I'll keep place with you, slowpoke," he joked before breaking into a run.

We were the first ones on the bus. We went straight to the back like any middle school-er would have. Edward started to laugh at me because I actually had to catch my breath after the running.

We had barely pulled out of the school bus loop when Edward pulled out a tiny digital camera.

"Smile, Bells," he instructed as he held the camera out. I smiled, the flash lit, and the picture actually didn't look half bad. We spent the rest of the time brainstorming ways to spend our months of summer vacation.

The bus pulled up to my stop. I stood up and turned to face Edward.

"I'm sure I'll see you in a matter of days," I said.

"Yeah, knowing you, you probably will," he replied. I got off the bus, Alice right behind me.

"I love you, Jasper!" she yelled.

"I'll call you tomorrow!" I called to Edward.

I didn't wake, I just stopped dreaming at that point. I had already had the rest of this dream, and my mind wasn't going to let me relive that yet again.


	16. Two and Two

I kept my new dream a secret. Not just from Edward, But from Alice and Renee, too. Like I had said, it didn't matter what I remembered, I still loved Edward. Maybe when I got all of it back I would tell Edwrd, but until then I was still missing pieces. I still wasn't complete, so why did this little memory matter?

Monday started out much the same as any day, until I got to creative writing. I took my usual spot in the corner, pulling out a book that I had to read for English. I was just about finished with my chapter when I looked up to see what time is was. But it wasn't the clock that I saw. Mr. Forrester was right in front of me, kneeling down to meet my eye-level.

"Are you done reading the book I gave you?" he wondered.

"No, I'm taking a break from it," I told him.

"Why? I had a feeling you would enjoy it."

"It was a little depressing. you know, the stuff made for soap operas," I commented.

"Unfortunately, Bella, i did not assign you the book in your hands. Put it away and get the other one out," he instructed.

"Luckily for him, the book had never left my backpack since that day at lunch when Edward had told me to forget about it. I pulled it out.

"Edward's not going to be very happy," I mumbled, too low for Mr. Forrester to hear. I flipped to where I had left off, took a deep breath, and read.

Parker was watching Avery like a hawk. She still hadn't remembered a thing. As Parker watched Avery, I felt those eyes on my again. I looked around cautiously, but everyone was busy writing away, their eyes on their paper. no one was looking at me.

The further I read, the more I pictured the halls of Forks high, imagining myself as Avery, walking around with no recollection of what happened in my former life. Whenever Parker was mentioned, I couldn't help but picture Edward, watching me closely.

I realized that this was probably a better analogy than I intended. Edward must have felt the same way as Parker did, watching the girl that he loved drift further away from the perfection that they used to have.

Though Edward had said that this author had wrote this book like an autobiography, it sounded so much like he had been watching us. After all, Edward had told me that they were close. This guy could have just pried everything out of Edward. Maybe Edward had been ashamed that he had let his friend write our story out, which is why he told me otherwise.

That's when it dawned on me. Edward had told me that he used to only hang out with Jasper. It made sense. If Jasper were the author, he would have written about Alice in the beginning, and then when she had gotten better, he turned his focus on me.

Edward had said that the author had quit writing because it wouldn't solve his problems. Alice was worried about me and so was Edward, two people closest to him. Alice and Edward's problems would be Jasper's problems, too. He had a way of pacifying people. The fact that he had no more luck helping me that Edward and Alice had might have disappointed him.

I still couldn't be sure if Jasper was the author, though. Sure _his _Avery was fine, as Edward had promised, but I had been so rude to Jasper for the past three years. Why the hell would he want to write a book about my suffering? He would probably think that I brought it upon myself with the way I acted, and then caused his precious girlfriend's suffering.

I continued reading, watching my life play out across the pages, though my mind would not stop wandering to the possibility that Jasper was the mystery author that I had wondered about for nearly a month and a half. I knew a quick way to determine how possible my hunch was.

The bell rang, ending class. I stood, putting the book back into my backpack. Once my bag was zipped and slung over my shoulder, I walked to Mr. Forrester's desk.

"Mr. Forrester, can I ask you something?" I asked.

"As long as it's not about my age," he chuckled.

"Was there ever a Jasper Hale in any of your classes?" I inquired.

"Jasper? No, I think I had his sister, Rosalie, in one class, though," he replied.

Ew. Rosalie.

Right after my reaction to Rosalie's name had bubbled into my mind, I wondered where it came from. The only time in my current memory that I could remember being anywhere near Rosalie was at Edward's house after visiting my dad. I had no reason to be disgusted with her...yet.

"Thanks anyway," I said, walking out the door. Edward was waiting for me as usual, but I said nothing. I just took his outstretched hand and walked with him.

Maybe I had been right the other night. Maybe I would feel everything before I would remember. Perhaps Rosalie and I hadn't exactly gotten along before. That would trigger an instinctive disgusted reaction to her name. At least I was feeling things that I has used to feel. That was a good thing.

My silence seemed to worry Edward. I could tell as his hand stiffened around mine. He looked over and noticed my smile at my new revelation. When he saw my grin, he seemed to relax a little. I had another hunch though, and Edward would have the answer.

"Hey Edward," I started, Edward perking up at the broken silence. "How did Rosalie and I regard each other before."

"You didn't," he answered with a smile. "She thought you were annoying and you thought she was a bitch," he added with a laugh. "Whenever she found out that you were coming over, she would instantly make plans to leave the house. What brought that question on?"

"I just heard Rosalie's name and had this gagging reflex. Well, not literally, but I figured, subconsciously I must have remembered something that made me not exactly like her," I commented.

That sent Edward into fits of laughter. Even if I couldn't remember everything that made his presence pleasurable, this was exactly what I wanted and more. Somebody that I could make happy without it being a constant effort, and someone who would never leave me, and would stick with me no matter what.

"Anything else that you've some across?" He casually asked. I figured that I really did want to tell him about my dream. I loved making him happy.

"Oh, just a little bit about skipping out on telling people goodbye so that we could beat everyone to the bus, nothing much," I shrugged, as if it was no big deal. But I knew how much it meant to him.

His smile stretched so wide that I felt the need to put my hands on either side of his face to keep the grin from wrapping around the back of his head. He moved my hands from his face, wrapping my arms around his neck before encircling my waist with his own, pulling me close to kiss me.

"What did I tell you? You'll get it back," he reminded me. As I kissed him back, I actually believed, for the first time, that I _would _get it all back. Every single memory was mine to take, I just had to find them first.

As for my mystery author, this was Forks, so I realized Edward would still know everything about him without being too close. I gave it up.


	17. Heightened Sensations

**Author's note: I'm sorry for those of you who read this chapter the first time. I accidentally forgot to type the rest up before uploading it. Here is the full chapter!**

* * *

I looked through my open door into my messy room. My quest for my yearbooks had left my room looking like a war zone. Generally Renee never had a problem with my room, but she had requested that I at least organize a little. It was going to take a while from the looks of it. At least I had all weekend.

I began to wonder how my room ever _didn't _look this messy. I had so much crap. I popped in a CD that Edward had given me and started to work.

The music that came from my small boom box was relaxing. Edward played the piano and the songs were some of his compositions. He said that I had heard a few of them, and sure enough, I did seem to recognize some of the melodies. I couldn't remember when I had heard them, but at least they were familiar.

My little bandaged teddy bear sat in my lap while I cleaned. I hummed to the music as soon as I knew it well enough. I began to understand what Edward had meant by someone's presence being engraved somewhere - or in this case, something. Edward was in the music, the little bear in my lap, and the large one from the fair staring at me from the corner.

After about an hour of digging and throwing useless things away, I found some of my middle-school spiral notebooks. I was about to toss those, too, but then my eye caught the writings on them.

Every single notebook had multiple phrases on both covers that basically translated to "I love Edward Cullen." It happened so fast then.

My mind raced through many long-lost memories at once.

I remembered multiple times that Edward had come up to me and I would quickly open my notebook so he wouldn't see the etchings.

I remembered when my best girlfriends, Jess and Angela, had spotted the inscribed messages and I begged them not to tell.

I remembered protesting every time Edward came over to do homework and tried to get my things for me. I would get them myself, flipping my notebooks open to inconspicuous pages before going back downstairs.

I now had an answer to one of my previous questions. Had I been in love with Edward before? Yes. I had.

My stomach dropped drastically. I finally felt what Edward felt: the old love from before, and this new, burning passion. I knew what Edward had been talking about when he said I would understand more when I remembered.

I still didn't remember that many actual events, but I remembered feeling some sort of gravitational pull towards Edward. Not much seemed to have changed. At least not now.

The sudden doubling of my affection left me hurting to be away from Edward. I thought that I had already given him my heart, but its unexpected departure from a few seconds ago told me that I had been wrong until now.

Desperate for distractions, I hugged my bear to me and continued to dig through my room. If I had only cleaned my room a little more often during my years of isolation, I night have discovered the notes that I was finding now. Notes that Edward and I had passed. Conversations on paper, along with birthday and Christmas cards. Even the Valentine's cards from back when you gave them to all of your friends. I guessed that both Edward and I had been too scared to give them to each other when they became more personal.

I found a random envelope and stuffed the notes and cards into it before pinning it to my bulletin board next to the picture of me and Edward on the bus. It was a little deal that we had. I got the pictures as I remembered them. I found a few bent up pictures of us in my closet and pinned them up as well.

I grabbed my middle-school yearbooks off of my shelf. I had put them there to avoid future war zone messes. I shuffled through each of them until I found what I was looking for. On all three yearbooks, Edward and finished his signature with "love always, Edward." It made me wonder what I had written in his yearbooks.

Luckily for me, Edward and Jasper were taking me and Alice to Port Angeles that night. I didn't have to wait too long to be with Edward again.

When the doorbell rang, my heart leaped out of my chest. Alice got the door quickly, so Edward was already waiting for me at the foot of the stairs. I threw myself at him, crushing my lips to his. He kissed me back almost as fiercely, but he was always gentle, hence the "almost."

"I love you, too," he chuckled when our lips finally parted. "Not that it wasn't pleasant, but was there some particular reason for that little surprise?"

I smiled and took his hand, pulling him upstairs.

"Let me show you. I found some things in my room," I explained.

When we were in my room, I showed him the envelope of notes and the notebook covers. It made my heart fly to see the artifacts bring a smile to his face.

"I didn't remember that much, but I remembered trying to hide those from you and then I felt it. Everything I felt before added on to everything I feel now, just like you said I would! And what you said at the hospital, I under - "

My speech was interrupted by his hands seizing my face before he kissed me again. That gravitational pull led me to wrap my arms around him in return, not caring that I didn't know what had caused this cut-off. What I wouldn't give for this sensation to never end. But eventually, Edward slightly pulled away. I looked at him expectantly.

"For at least five years now, I've wondered if you ever felt the same way. When you first said that you loved me...you can't imagine the fulfilment that I felt. But this, to know that you loved me back then, it's indescribable. It makes everything ten times worth the wait," he confessed, stroking my cheek. I trembled at his touch more than ever now. I closed my eyes and let the sweetness wash over me, his lips brushing gently under my jaw.

"We'd better get going before Jasper and Alice get angry with us," he suggested, grabbing my hand. I sighed before opening my eyes and letting him pull me out the door and back downstairs.

I spent the rest of the evening glued to Edwrd's side, his arm always around me. During the movie, we pushed the armrest between us up to be closer. For the entier length of the film, Edward played with my hair, and even that sent chills down my spine. He kissed the top of my head a few times during the romantic points of the movie, making my breath stick somewhere in my throat. It was like everything was new again, but it wasn't. It was just doubled.

As it always seemed to, the time passed too quickly. Before I knew it, we were back in the driveway. Alcie and I were being walked to the door by our boyfriends.

Alice and Jasper's farewell was short and sweet. Between them, departure was a short kiss and a "goodnight/I love you." They weren't that flamboyant about their relationship.

Edward lips lingered on mine a little longer, though, and he pulled me closer by the small of my back. I hugged him as tight to me as possible.

Of course I was far weaker than we was. I didn't have a prayer to keep him hugged to me when he pulled away. He continued to gaze deeply into my eyes, though.

"Be sure to dream up something special for me," he joked.

"I'll do my best," I replied, going along with it.

"Sleep well, love," he wished before kissing me once more. he must have sensed my disappointment because he chuckled adding, "I'll call you tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you, too."

I closed the door behind me and found Alice on the other side, a huge smile stretched across her face.

"Not a word," I warned her. She pretended to zip her mouth shut before letting out a giggle and running up the stairs.


	18. Old Friends

**Author's note: I really want to hear from you guys. Your recent silence scares me. Though I won't guarantee I'll use every suggestion I get, I do want this story to last until their graduation or possibly further, all of which is taking me a while to come up with. I want to know what you want to see, or don't want to see. I'll probably use more of the "don't want to see"s that way I don't piss people off, and I'll work some of the best suggestions into the story as well as I can with my own creativity. Thanks and enjoy!**

My smaller memories that I had gained were making the school days more interesting. For instance, I remembered Angela and Jessica because of the notebook memories. I began watching them in the halls between classes, shooting them apologetic glances as often as I could. Jessica replied with a cold shoulder. Angela responded generally with a kind and gentle forgiving smile. I wondered why I had ever been friends with someone like Jessica when I had friends like Angela.

"In case you're wondering," Edward began one time that he had caught me watching Angela, "she never stopped caring, either. At least once a month she would come up to me at lunch and ask how you were doing. She hasn't asked recently, though. I would assume that's probably because she can clearly see that you're doing fine."

I looked at Angela again. Indeed, her eyes were no longer concerned, as they might have once been. Now they were rather congratulatory, celebrating my recovery with me, though not by my side.

"And Jessica?" I asked he sighed. I guessed he had hoped I wouldn't have gone there. He took a moment to word his answer.

"She was concerned for a while, but after she found out what happened, she figured you were beyond help and gave up. I never really thought that she was a good friend for you," he added.

"Why didn't Angela just ask Alice if I was getting better?" I wondered.

"To tell you the truth, I don't really know," he confessed. "My guess was that Angela thought that it would be harder for Alice. She was there for the whole thing, watching it, experiencing it. I guess she figured with how close we were I would be one of the first people who knew if you were getting better, and it wouldn't be as painful for me as it would be for Alice," he suggested. The sad note in his voice told me that it wasn't any less painful to go through him.

"I bet that hurt a lot," I said, an apology in my voice.

"You have no idea. I was trying to escape everything and Angela just kept reminding me of what I'd lost. I couldn't be mad at her, though. I wasn't the only one who missed you. She missed you, too. How could I get angry at her for expressing the same concern that I felt?" He had a point. I still felt terrible, though.

"At least now you have nothing to worry about," I reminded him, tyring to brighten his mood. It seemed to work. His lips pulled back into my favorite smile. We had arrived at my classroom at that point. I slumped against the wall. Edward leaned in, supporting himself with his hands, placed on the wall on either side of my head.

"Do me a favor?" he requested.

"Anything," I blurted, thinking his request would be something reasonable. Actually, I don't know if I even was even thinking anything at all.

"Well, the prom is coming up in about a month..." he started.

"Anything but that," I quickly amended.

"Hey, you said that you wanted to make everything up to me. And I never got homecoming. Or any other dance for that matter," he reminded me.

"Who said I would have gone to homecoming even if you'd asked me?" I questioned.

"Do you really expect me to believe that you would have said no to me after you've admitted to having loved me back then?" he trapped me.

"Okay, so what happened to that little plan of yours?" I wondered.

"Well, most of it was this speech-thing. It was lame now that I look back on it. I hadn't gotten that far in Creative Writing, yet, and I was a freshman. Put the two together and you get probably one of the worst poems ever written. Plus, you've heard it all by now. 'I've always loved you, more than you can ever comprehend.' You know, things that I tell you just about every moment of every day," he joked, kissing me.

All argument was lost at that point as I found myself kissing him back. I didn't know if he had discovered it, yet, but he had a weapon that I was useless against. If he knew my weakness well enough, and really wanted to use it to his advantage, he would have asked me to prom during the few moments that our lips were parted.

"So, how about it" he asked. I guess he _had _spotted my weakness.

"I did say that I wanted to make it up to you," I admitted, giving up.

"Thank you," he celebrated, kissing me once more before opening my classroom door of me.

Dress shopping wasn't all that terrible. I really didn't care what I wore, and I was pretty darn sure that Edward wouldn't, either. I had a feeling he would love to see me all dolled up, but he wouldn't mind as long as I showed up.

It wasn't even that hard. I didn't have to look for anything. Alice didn't _let _me look for anything. She just threw pretty much every "decent" dress in my size towards me (of course, with gentle, Alice-like care) and pretty much shoved me into the dressing room. The only work I did was changing dresses, which actually was quite a workout in my lame physical shape. By the third dress, my arms hurt from all the lifting, zipping, pulling, and adjusting that each dress required.

Finally, Alice selected the best ones for both of us (she wouldn't trust my fashion sense, but at least made sure I was comfortable in the dress that she had picked). Mine was, of course, blue. My entire wardrobe had grown mysteriously blue recently, and Alice denied having anything to do with it. I didn't believe her. Alice was _really _sneaky.

The cashier was ringing up our purchases when the bell on the door rang, signifying another customer. Instinctively, my head turned.

As if fate couldn't be any more impeccable.

Walking through the door was Angela and her mom. Mrs. Webber was apparently going to chaperone the prom. It would make sense for her to dress up, too.

"I'm going to go talk to Angela, is that okay?" I asked Alice, already knowing that it would be more than okay. Alice was a lot like Renee. She loved every time I revisted my past. Angela was clearly a part of my past.

Like I predicted, Alice nodded.

I walked to Angela, who was now shuffling through the few racks of dresses that the Port Angeles department store provided.

"I think this one would look really good on you," I suggested, showing her an elegant pale pink dress.

"Thanks. It's nice to see you again, Bella!" she exclaimed. She paused for a second, her eyes never once leaving my face. Finally, she spoke again. "If I wasn't holding these, I would hug you right now..."

Of course Alice, always fast and seeming psychic, darted between us.

"Don't worry, I'm a really good pack-mule," she told Angela. I thought I saw Alice wink at her. She handed Alice her small stash of dresses and wrapped her arms around me.

"I'm so glad to see things finally getting better with you," she congratulated as I returned her embrace. She let go of me, grabbed her dresses from Alice, draping them over one arm. With her free hand she grabbed mine, and towed me into the changing rooms.

From what I could remember, Angela had never been that chatty, but the long silence probably had left her with many questions.

When she was done with most of hers, and at the counter to buy her dress (the one that I had picked out for her), I had one of my own.

"Why does Jessica seem to hate me so much?" I asked her, as the cashier was bagging her dress.

"Well, I could tell that she never liked you the way that you deserved, but when you came to school all broken and stuff, she just left you. My guess is that she really was only friends with you because she saw how close you were with Edward. When you wouldn't even talk to him, she tried to make a move on him. She gave up on both of you when she saw how clearly Edward wasnt just going to give up on you," she explained.

This caused me to spend a great deal of time thinking. I really felt sorry for Angela. Not only had I for all intents and purposes ignored her, but her and Jessica probably fought a lot. Someone like Angela would defend me, and she probably did with Jessica, which would put scars in their relationship that they were obviously able to work around, but I remembered seeing the tension between them at school. Their relationship would never be the same, and that was partially my fault.

"I'm really sorry, Angela. For everything," I apologized.

"You really don't have to," she excused. "Traumatic experiences take time to get over. And everyone adjusts differently. That's why I didn't exactly panic when Alice got better and you didn't. I was concerned, though, as a friend naturally would be. I'm guessing you're going to prom? I see Alice has more than one bag."

"Yeah. I kind of owe it to Edward. For everything. For waiting. For taking me back. For being so patient with me even now. I know it's hard for him. It's the least I can do," I explained.

"Well I'm glad you two have made things work out. I guess I'll be seeing you at prom," she said, hugging me once more.

"Nice to talk to you again, Angela."


	19. Competition

Edward's endless patience never ceased to amaze me. Ever since the run-in with Angela the week before, I'd been on the phone with her a lot, and she'd been joining us at lunch often. Despite how much less time we had to just us, he never complained, and no matter how long I was on the phone with Angela, he would just sit there playing with my hair, showing no signs of impatience.

He seemed to enjoy the fact that with every passing day I was getting more of my old life back. He looked worried sometimes, though, like he had until I knew that I had loved him before. It was as if there was something else in my past that still had time to separate us. Whatever it was, it would mean nothing after everything Edward had done for me.

Why now? What had changed over the past few days that would make him so anxious?

"We're going to treat this like the bowling thing, alright? So just follow my lead."

Edward, Emmett and I were at the baseball clearing. Emmett went to a University that had already started the summer quarter, which Emmett was not attending. Edward had convinced him to come out and pitch while Edward taught me how to swing.

After finding my notebooks and the doubling of my affection, I could barely concentrate when Edward was touching me. I found it very hard to focus on anything other than his arms around me and his hands curled over mine as I held the bat. Though Edward's voice was one of the most precious sounds to me, I couldn't hear it through my pulse beating in my ears.

Due to my distractions, when Edward let me try batting by myself, it didn't end pretty. I missed the ball and hit my head instead. I still don't know how I managed to do that.

When I came back around, we were in Emmett's jeep, Emmett driving, Edward in the back with was holding me as if her were afraid to lose me. Jeez. I hadn't hit my head that hard. He looked at me and smiled my favorite smile. But his eyes were wrong.

"What's going on?" I asked him.

"What does it look like? We're taking you home," he stated. Emmett smiled at me in the review mirror.

"Why do you look so upset?" I clarified.

"I need to worry about that more than you do. Just relax," he ordered. As if to help me with that, he touched his lips to my forehead," and know that no matter what, you are the only one that I'll ever love." With that, his lips met mine and he kissed me in a way that scared me.

When we pulled up to the house, there was another car there that didn't belong. An old red Volkswagen rabbit.

Edward was tense as he helped me out of the Jeep. He pressed me tightly to his side while we walked to the house. Noticing how much he was frightening me, Edward relaxed a little, releasing me to take my hand lightly.

As we turned the corner to the kitchen, my eyes fell on someone familiar. Not from my forgotten past, though. This was the son of one of Renee's friends. Jacob Black. I remembered instantly what the car in the driveway was. Jacob's labors to build his own car.

"You finished the car!" I exclaimed. My excitement seemed to shock him. Then I remembered that the last time Jacob had seen me, I was still a pessimist.

Jacob's eyes fell to Edward's had gently holding mine. He looked sort of disappointed. The shocked look on his face was replaced by that of disapproval.

"Good afternoon, Jacob," Edward greeted. They knew each other?

"No, I can't say it is, Eddie," Jacob answered. Edward twitched at the hated pet name. "would you mind letting Bella and I talk for a moment?"

"Actually, I would. But the choice is up to Bella," he replied. I could tell that Edward knew what this was about.

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to. We'll just be talking," I assured him, hoping that I was right. Edward hesitated. Then his hand released mine.

"I'll be in the living room with Jasper and Alice," he informed me before kissing my cheek and walking out of the kitchen.

"That sick bastard," Jacob muttered under his breath.

"Hey! What was that about?" I cried.

"I thought you were smarter than this. Don't you see what he's doing to you, Bells?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I definitely don't feel victimized."

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he scoffed. "He hasn't told you anything about me has he? I bet he's told you that he was the best friend who secretly had feelings for you, right? He's never told you that I was the other best friend, that while he was hiding like a coward behind his emotions, I came out and told you that I loved, has he?" he sprung on me.

"I don't care. He stuck around, you didn't."

"He got a free ticket. He and Jasper gave you rides to and from school every day. Do you expect my dad to have let me use all that gas to come down from La Push? Besides, I wasn't pressuring you to remember anything," Jacob argued.

"Edward never pressured me. And you could have called. That doesn't use gas. Plus, you may have loved me, but I have proof that I didn't love you. So it doesn't matter that I hadn't found out about you. Look, I appreciate your concern, but I've made my choice," I announced.

"You didn't even know there was a choice," he backfired.

"I chose to trust him, and so far he hasn't shown me reason to believe that my trust is misplaced," I declared.

"Well, in all truth, I didn't come here to express my concern," he stated. Before I knew what he was doing, my face was in his hands and he crushed his lips to mine painfully. When he released me, he looked at me expectantly.

"Get out of here!" I yelled at him. Within seconds, Edward dashed around the corner and took me in his arms, hugging me to his chest. "Ev en if he had pressured me to remember anything, he made sure that I was comfortable with him before he tried anything like that!"

The way that I had phrased my complaint made it fairly easy for Edward to piece together was had just happened in his absence.

"Why you little..." Edward didn't finish his sentence before his fist swung to hit Jacob in the face. The impact was louder than I would have expected. Jacob took a moment before responding.

"Same old Edward. Jealous and protective," Jacob chuckled.

"I was never jealous. I never had any reason to be jealous of you. Protective, yes, but your declaration didn't give you what you wanted. Now she wants you out, so I suggest that you fulfill her wish or I'll have to disable you from the knees down!"

Jacob sauntered out of the kitchen. I only gained the courage to look at Edward's face after I heard the front door slam. His face was torn.

"This was what you were worried about?" I wondered quietly.

"Alice warned me that he was coming a few days ago," he confirmed, nodding.

"You had nothing to worry about. You never do. I've never felt for him the way that I feel for you," I soothed.

"Not that you could remember," he noted.

"Don't you think that I would have felt odd being with you like this if I loved him? what about the notebooks? Remembered or not, there was never a time that I preferred him to you. Never. I wouldn't be that dumb," I declared.

"I just can't think about losing you while keeping my sanity at the same time. I would let you go if you wanted to leave, but I can't think about it without losing my mind," he admitted, on the brink of tears.

"You never have to think about that," I assured him, tilting my head up to kiss him.


	20. Fighting

The days that followed Jacob's little visit were rather awkward. It was like Edward expected me to just remember so much about Jacob and just fall madly in love with him.

I would never forget anything that Edward had done for me. I wasn't going to let some desperate old friend from my past just make all of that not matter. It would take a lot to undo everything that Edward had done for me, and even if someone else managed to do more, it wouldn't mean nearly half as much to me. After all, Edward waited for me, suffered with me. I dind't care about anything else. The world could burn around me and I would be able to tell the difference as long as Edward was with me.

What if I never remembered everything? Edward would be glad that I had no childhood recollections of Jacob, but would this silence still hang over us as Edward waited for the dreaded day that I would leave him for Jacob?

This had never been a problem when it had just been the two of us. He never worried about what my memories brought with them. Edward must have thought that since Jacob hadn't reappeared, yet, that if I remembered him, I would think that he didn't care and I would just stay with him. But now that Jacob was back, I was fully aware what my options were, and my memories would make the choice more precise.

I dug through my room again, looking for any sign that I might have had any preference for Jacob whatsoever, but there wasn't a single photograph or anything. I wondered if Edward would take that into consideration. Maybe he might actually believe that I wasn't going anywhere. I found it rather odd that at the beginning, Edward had to deep reassuring me that he wouldn't leave me. Now it was my turn to be encouraging.

All of a sudden I thought of Parker. The devoted boyfriend who waited until his girlfriend woke up and then tried to help her will herself into remembering her past. In the book, I had reached past a point where old friends were complicating things for Parker. One of Avery's old friends told him that if he kept pestering her, she wouldn't want to put up with him anymore. Parker just brushed it off. He didn't care about Avery's outside influences.

What happened to _my _Parker? The one that had waited so long for me to snap out of delusion? The one who _wanted _me to remember?

Edward was right. It was harder to watch someone hurt themselves that it was to watch someone get hurt by someone else. It hurt me enough whenever my pain hurt him, but watching him make this big deal out of what should have been nothing was beyond painful.

"Edward?" I began after about a week of the absurd silence.

"Yes?" he answered, looking up from his homework.

We were sitting on opposite sides of my dinning room table, not even helping each other with our work. It was getting really ridiculous.

"Could you answer a question? And, please, don't jump to conclusions," I requested.

"Of course," he agreed, visuially confused.

"When, if ever, do you think you would leave me?" I wondered.

"I would never leave you unless you asked me to," he declared.

"Then why don't you start acting like it?" I exclaimed, slamming my calculous book closed, grabbing all my work, running up the stairs to my room.

I knew it was wrong to be yelling at Edward after everything, but it was just so frustrating how everything had used to be so perfect and effortless and now he was letting this small little hurtle named Jacob interrupt it.

Edward grabbed my arm when I was about halfway up.

"What on earth are you talking about?" he asked me.

"Jacob shouldn't have any affect on any of this," I told him, gesturing to us. "You act as if I'm just about ready to ask you to leave and you would do it willingly. Like you would happily hand me over to Jacob. Everything's always silent. Awkward. It scares me."

"I'm not meaning anything by it. I would hand you over if it was what you wanted, and I would do it willingly, but it would hurt. More than you could possibly comprehend," he tried to reassure me, but I was already riled up.

"Then urge me to remember again! Tell me to 'dream up something special' or something like you used to! What happened to all of that?" I asked him.

"I don't need you to remember. I love you just the way you are," he declared.

"You've never _needed_ me to remember. You've always just wished for it. What? Did you realize that all of my memories had been somehow sparked by something and since Jacob wasn't around, you thought I wouldn't remember? Now that he's popped up, are you worried that I might choose him over you? That really makes me wonder, Edward. What would I find in my head when I remember everything? It seems as if you're trying to hide something from me. Something from _my _memories! Something that belongs to me!

"And what happened to trust?" I continued, quickly reaching lunatic levels. "I told you that even when I did remember, there wouldn't be anyone that I loved as much as I love you. Do you not believe me?"

Edward stood silent for a while. I could see that all of this upset him.

"I can tell that you want me to go home," he said after a moment of silence. I coudn't see his expression through the tears that were starting to collect in my eyes.

"Well go, then," I told him, turning around and bolting up the rest of the stairs.

I dumped my school stuff on my bed and slumped against my door. I heard Edward's engine start as he drove away. I'd surely done it this time. He was gone. I had pushed him away. I sat against the door for hours just letting the misery have me.

Alice and Renee were smart enough not to check on me. As much as they might have wanted to comfort me, I probably would have ripped their heads off. They didn't know how frustrating it was not to know enough about yourself to know how you should feel. To only know that you feel like shit, whether you're supposed to or not.

I searched my few memories to see if I had ever fought with Edward before high school, I couldn't find any.

The one person who had always been there and now he was gone. Because of me.

* * *

I sat on my bed looking at the ceiling tracing patterns with my eyes. The only thing that felt remotely close to what I was feeling now was when I had seen Bella that first day of high school, knowing that she would have pushed me away the same way that Alice did Jasper. But this was so much worse. I didn't know that Bella had loved me back then. After finally being able to share that closeness with her that I had always desired, she had rejected me again. The higher you climb the harder you fall, right?

She had pretty good points though. I had been acting funny. While I would never want to accuse Bella of anything, she was jumping to conclusions as well. Being scared that she was going to leave me had nothing to do with my faithfulness to her. I wasn't just going to walk out on her if I suspected her turning towards Jacob. I would wait until she gave me word.

And I would tell her that. The next day at school.

But she didn't get into the car with Alice the next morning. Alice wouldn't say why. While I was scared shitless about Bella's welfare, if she was inside wanting space for a while, I would give it to her. I would wait until after school to ask Renee where she was.

When I did, Renee said that Bella didn't feel well enough to come to school. Apparently she took off around noon. Took her junky red pickup and headed out somewhere saying that she would be back around eight-ish. I could tell that she was almost as nervous as I was about letting Bella out wandering around in not the healthiest of moods, but according to Renee, she had been improving so much lately, it seemed alright to give her a little space and freedom.

I didn't push my luck by coming back "around eight-ish." I didn't want to risk her telling me to leave again. That I was being creepy, clingy, desperate, or anything that I wasn't. I wouldn't care what anyone else said about me, but I knew that when the day came that Bella would call me terrible things, it would burn. After yesterday's fight, I didn't know if I was ready for that.

But then night rolled around again and it was as if I were bound by a ball and chain, but the ball was rolling. Out of the house, into the Volvo, and over to Bella's house. I knew I had to clear the air. Even if she didn't want me anymore, she needed to know the truth.

* * *

I smelled the grass around me and felt the slight warmth on my face increase as the sun began to set. I knew it would be time for me to head home about then. I checked my cell phone and sure enough it was 7:15. Just enough time for me to get home by around eight. Edward had said this place had reminded him of me when I wasn't there. It did the exact same for me. I had sat there pretty much all day thinking about the day that Edward had taken me there, to that peaceful little meadow, before taking me to the Cullen baseball game. I remembered coming out there instead of out to the big baseball clearing when Emmett and Edward were teaching me how to swing, right before my interaction with Jacob. The day that everything that I had been sure about had disappeared.

I was back to where I had started before Edward and I had began talking again. Knowing absolutely nothing. Sure I had some of my memories, but without all of them, how would I know what the few I had added up to?

I slammed the front door behind me so hard that the windows shook. I stomped to the kitchen for a bite to eat.

"Edward came by earlier today," Renee informed me. That made me slam the fridge door hard enough to make the jelly jar break. I opened the fridge again and cleaned the mess while I listened to Renee tell me how concerned Edward seemed.

As much as I really wanted to, I didn't slam the fridge the second time. I didn't want to deal with another mess.

"Glad to see he hasn't lost that little voice called a conscience," I replied indifferently.

I finished my snack and stormed up to my room. I changed into my lounge pants and tank top, before flopping on my bed into a near instant sleep.

I was woken up by the sound of a stuggle outside my window. I tiredly walked to it and pulled the curtain aside. There Edward was, trying to open my window, which was rusted over by a combination of the rain and me never opening it. I was about to yell at him through the window, but then he looked up, realizing that I had caught him. And his eyes...

I don't think I had ever hurt anywhere near the hurt that I saw in his eyes.


	21. Let downs

I was about to yell at Edward through the window, but then he looked up, realizing that I had caught him. And his eyes.

I don't think I had ever hurt anywhere near the hurt that I saw in his eyes.

I helped him open the well-rusted window.

"You do realize that they build these things so that they won't open from the outside? You know, so break-ins like this don't happen?" I whispered. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Clearing as much air as I can," Edward grunted, while hoisting himself into my room. "And gettin my facts straight."

"What facts?" I clarified as he made himself comfortable in the rocking chair in the corner of my room.

"Where were you today?" he asked. I took a few seconds to answer. He would probably laugh.

"I was in the meadow, thinking," I told him. When he didn't laugh, curiosity took over. Along with leftover anger from last night. "Why were you wondering? Did you think I had run off into Jacob's loving embrace or something? You know, he had school today, too, so you should have ruled out that possiblility," I ranted.

Edward lept out of the chair and stormed (rather quietly) over to my bed where I was sitting cross-legged. He siezed my shoulders in a strong grip.

"I was scared," he corrected me in a fierce whisper. "When you didn't get in the car with Alice, I figured that you were stilla little upset over yesterday's fight. But when Renee said that you had left and didn't know where you were going, I didn't know what was going through your mind, or what you were doing. People do stupid things when they're upset and angry and I didn't want anything to happen to you," he informed me. I noticed that by the end of his speech, his voice had begun to quiver, as much as one can while whispering. There was no false tone to his voice and his eyes assured me that he wasn't lying.

"Why did you come back?" I wondered aloud, instantly wishing I hadn't as soon as I saw the hurt in his eyes.

"I told you I would never leave you unless -"

"Yeah, yeah, unless I wanted you to, but you said 'I can tell you want me to leave.' "

"I said 'I can tell you want me to go home.' I didn't think either of us wanted the other to say something to upset each other more. Besides, when I tried to reassure you the first time, you just about bit my head off. I didn't want to push you any further. I thought you would calm down if I gave you a little time to do it yourself," he explained. "I needed to calm down a bit to. That had been the first time that you had really been mad at me. It didn't exactly feel that great."

"I'm sorry, you just were acting really odd and it was scaring me. Then when you left, I thought I'd pushed you away for good," I told him. Edward saw the tears collecting in my eyes and pulled himself on to the bed next to me and gathered me in his arms.

I clung to him, grateful that Edward had seen through my anger and had come back Edward was my only point of reason. The only thing in my life that made sense. I was insane to hink that he had ever been unreasonable. I should have confronted him more calmly. Despite how much I didn't like how he had handled the Jacob situation, I still needed him. Losing him had scared me shitless.

Edward rubbed my back soothingly until my sobs subsided. When they did, he tilted my face towards his and kissed me.

This kiss was not like others. Both of us had thought that we had lost the other, so the longing for each other had been doubled, and only increased while our lips pressed against each other. Edward wove his fingers into my hair, securing my face to his, and I hugged him closer to me.

Finally, Edward pulled away. Only by a few inches, but enough to disappoint me.

"I'd better get going," he admitted. I was glad to hear the tone of regret in his voice. I grabbed his hand as he began to head for the window.

"Already?" I whined. "You just got here."

"I was only coming to clear things up. I didn't want you to do something dumb tomorrow in the case that you were still mad at me. Well, really, in all honesty, I didn't want you to skip out at all tomorrow," he explained.

"Please stay," I begged. "I fell asleep before you came, so for all I know, all of this has just been one long dream. If you stay, and I fall asleep, then I'll wake up and see you and know that everything actually happened," I hypothesized. Edward sighed.

"You know, Emmett and Rosalie are going to give me a real hard time about this," he warned me, gently guiding me back to my bed. "Carlisle and Esme trust me, so they'll believe whatever I tell them. But Rose and Emmett. I'm gonna hear it from them. Those two have really dirty minds."

"Do you really care?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Not really," he replied, his lips pulling into his crooked smile as he closed the window.

Edward laid on top of the covers while I crawled under them, insisting that he was plenty warm enough since the window was closed. I snuggled into his embrace, resting my head on his chest.

"Sleep well, Bella. Dream up something special for me, love," he wished, kissing the top of my head as I drifted into an effortless sleep.

What I dreamt wasn't special, but important none the less.

* * *

I ached all over and Alice's screams were close by. Renee was yelling at my dad in language that almost never came out of her mouth. I ran to the phone and punched three numbers. Renee ran over to me and took the phone out of my hands, hanging it up.

"911 won't help you right now. It'll only make him angrier," she sobbed, then returned to the task of trying to separate my dad from Alice.

But I hadn't dialed 911, I had dialed the first three digits of Edward's phone number.

* * *

Another flashback took me to the time that my dad had broken both of my arms. I was lying in my bed trying to find a position that didn't hurt either of my arms. Once I had found one that would have to work the tears began to fall again and I hummed a familiar tune to help ease me to sleep.

It was one of Edward's compositions.

* * *

Another memory flashed behind my closed eyelids. I was sitting at my computer desk, typing something, which wasn't that easy considering that three of my fingers were braced by splints. On the screen was a letter. An apology. Asking for forgiveness for missing a whole summer. A letter to Edward.

Alice walked in behind my and started to read over my shoulder. She stopped reading after "Dear Edward."

"I wouldn't give that to him if I were you," she warned.

"And why not?" I asked her.

"Even if you don't put anything in there about your dad, he'll figure it out, then he'll come after him. I don't think your father would take that too well. Do you want anything to happen to Edward?"

I sobbed as I deleted the letter from my desktop.

"We can't tell them anything," I agreed regretfully.

* * *

The next memory that came was of the day that we got back to school after my father was arrested. Edward and Jasper were of the front steps of the school. Waiting.

Alice was the first one of the car. She ran into Jasper's open arms. It looked as if Jasper, the toughest and strongest of all of their family except for perhaps Emmett, was about to break into tears.

I slowly climbed out of the car. I saw Edward smile. It wasn't his crooked smile, his lips were too busy stretching themselves from ear to ear to maintain their usual slant. While his smile was ecstatic, his eyes were sad. I could tell that he had known what was going on, even before everyone else. I figured he was disappointed, upset that I hadn't come running to him the instant that things had started to go bad.

I had let him down.

* * *

I woke with a start. That one little decision nearly three years ago had shaped everything. While I thought that everyone else has let me down, I never thought that of Edward. I thought that _I _had let _him _down, and in that moment, in choosing to forget everything, I did.

"What's wrong?" Edward whispered, anxiously. Did he never sleep or something? Despite the uneasiness of his voice, realizing that he was still there was soothing. I pulled myself further into the comfort of his arms.

"You never let me down. All that summer, I was still thinking about you. I never told you anything because I knew you would have come to hunt down my dad. He would have hurt you," I explained, pretty much in one breath.

"I wouldn't have cared what he did to me. I would have died for you, just like now," he declared.

"I knew that. But I didn't want you to. I didn't want anything to happen to you," I told him.

Edward tightened his embrace around me. I could feel his heart pound through his chest.

"What do you think was going through my mind while I watched you deteriorate before my eyes? _I _didn't want anything to happen to _you_. But there was nothing I could do about it. Not without getting Carlisle in trouble for telling me. It doesn't matter now, though. Your father is out of the picture and both of us are safe. Once we graduate, we can get out of here and he'll never be able to hurt you when he finally gets out of jail," he planned.

We sat there in each other's arms for a while just letting that possibility sink in. Graduating and then hopping into to Volvo and escaping, just the two of us. My dad would never go after Alice or Renee. He was never after them in the first place.. No Jacob to get in the way, either. Just me, Edward, and a world of possibility.

Edward looked at the clock beside my bed and swore.

"I have to get back to my house," he announced, sitting up.

"Why? What time is it?" I asked.

"6:15. That gives me enough time to go home, change, grab my school stuff, and jump in the car with Jasper to come pick you and Alice up," he explained. I followed him to the window. "I'll be back," he promised, kissing me softy before skillfully climbing down the side of the house and hopping into his car.


	22. Prom and Promises

**AN: I know, I know, I know! I promised to have this out by Friday, but it was kind of sprung on me that I was going to go take the written part of the driver's licensing test. So, yeah, I was pretty much grounded from the computer because my mom knew that unless the computer was off limits, I would write more of my stories before I would study for my test. But here it is. PROM NIGHT!**

**Wish me luck on my drive test the Wednesday after next!**

**I don't own Twilight. Or Bella. Or Edward...**

**Warning: Longer chapter than usual  
**

* * *

"Ouch! Alice, you're hurting me!"

"Then hold still. The guys will be here any minute!" Alice ordered, sticking pins and heaven knows what else into my hair. She shook the hairspray can almost violently like she had been routinely for the past twenty minutes or so, but it still refused to give anything but a puny little wheeze of substance. "Damn it. I must have used a lot more than I thought I had," she commented. "Do you have any hairspray?"

"Oh yes, because someone with absolutely no care in the world what she looks like would randomly have a can of hairspray," I sad sarcastically, rolling my eyes. Besides, if Alice didn't have a certain cosmetic product, chances were, no one in the world had it.

"Who knows? If you didn't care what you looked like, why do you own a brush?" she replied. She had a point, though. I _could _go around looking like a caveman if I really wanted to...

I didn't understand why Alice insisted on dolling me up. Edward never cared what I looked like. Normally, with her hair fetish, I wouldn't let her within an inch of my hair, but this was prom. So why not? Now I was regretting it. There was so much flammable crap in my hair that I was even afraid to walk too close to a lit light bulb. I almost couldn't recognize my face without all of the hair framing it, not to mention that I probably wouldn't see the resemblance anyway due to the extensive amount of makeup that Alice had plastered on me.

"I guess I'm just going to have to use more bobby pins, then," Alice resolved. Great. More hair-pinning devices that I would be digging out for weeks because they would beg lost in my large mass of hair. Fun.

I never knew why girls got so excited about prom. And sitting through this torture made me wonder why anyone ever liked it at all. Except maybe the guys. Edward had the easy part. Grab a tux and go. His hair always seemed to be unkempt, so he never had to run a comb through it. And he didn't have to deal with makeup or manicures. If my boyfriend was wearing makeup, I was going to be seriously concerned for his mental health.

Despite my horror of the night's events, I was elated when I heard the doorbell ring. As Alice went to answer the door, I made a break for my room, grabbing my converse before Alice could throw some ridiculously high heeled shoes. I pulled them on over no-show socks and then ran down the stairs.

"You're hopeless," Alice sighed when she saw what was on my feet. I pushed past her and Jasper and walked right out the door where I knew Edward would be. And there he was, waiting, leaning like a Greek statue against the side of the house.

The sight of him took my breath away. Not like that was a surprise. Edward had a way of making me forget that I had lungs. Lungs that needed constant inhaling and exhaling. His hair, while still slightly messy, seemed tidier than usual. And he looked even more polished in a classic black tux with the jacket unbuttoned.

"Wow, don't I feel like an under-achiever!" he exclaimed when he saw me. I could feel the blood pooling to my cheeks as I deeply blushed.

"Yeah, well you didn't have a jumpy little Alice torturing you all afternoon," I pointed out, wrapping my arms around his waist, pulling him to me. His crooked smile was playing at the corners of his lips. He took my face in his hands and bent down to kiss me. Not even my earlier pains of pins and hair-pulling and the occasional dab of mascara in my eye could have made the sensation of his lips on mine any less satisfactory.

"Then aren't you glad I came to your rescue?" Edward murmured against my mouth, before occupying it again. I few more sweet, indescribable kisses and our lips parted. "Please try to be optimistic about tonight," he requested. "After all, you owe this to me," he reminded me, twisting a strand of my hair between his fingers. There was a light in his eyes that I had come to understand. He was remembering.

"What are you thinking about?" I wondered, wishing that I could see the things that his mind was conjuring up. Oh how I longed for the day that we could reminisce on things together, and not just on the past semester. Not to say that the semester hadn't been, in a word, perfect. I just wanted what Edward had: the memories of happy times, before the brokenness.

"I used to play with your hair just like this all the time. And you never noticed that it was an act of affection. I find it really funny that everyone else saw that we both liked each other, and we only knew our own emotions. I had no idea that you wrote those little scribbles of love on your spiral notebooks, and you had no idea that I wrote poetry about you, to give to you," he recalled.

"You wrote poetry for me?" I confirmed. Edward nodded, somewhat proudly. I believed it. Edward was the kind of guy that I would picture in a Starbuck's with his iPod turned down so that no one else would hear, scribbling in a notebook. "And I didn't receive any of these said poems because..."

Edward gave a little chuckle before answering.

"I didn't feel any of them summed up what I felt for you. There weren't any words to describe it. There still aren't. I was afraid that a) you didn't love me back, and b) you would think that I was incompetent," he explained.

"So you threw them away," I predicted. What else do artists generally do when they're frustrated with their works? Especially when Starbuck's had conveniently located trashcans...

"No, I kept them. They gave me a lot of inspiration at times. Especially after...freshman year. I kept waiting for and writing about the girl that I had composed those poems for, the girl that I would die for, the girl that I loved. And here you are," he further detailed before kissing each of my eyelids once. "And I couldn't be happier."

"So wait, if you still have them, I want to read them!" I requested. Edward laughed some more.

"I don't think so," he simply stated.

"And why not? I showed you the notebooks!" I justified, getting frustrated, but not angry. "You owe me. Why do you get to keep your secrets? Show me your poetry!" It seemed odd, demanding to see middle-school poetry, but it was Edward. I was missing seventeen years of him. Any little piece was worth the world to me.

"I have, Bella. I never tried to keep it away from you. Everything I tell you I don't say with only half of a heart. I don't just say things to say them. When I tell you I love you, I mean it. I pour my soul out to you every day. That note that I left you after bowling wasn't just a request to hang out when you woke up. It was a declaration of how much I love to spend time with you. I haven't kept anything from you," he announced.

"Except for the Jacob thing," I reminded him.

"Yeah, but as you clearly saw, he was a pain our asses more than he was a friend to you," he chuckled. "Please, just enjoy yourself tonight. For now let's not worry about your lost memories and focus on making new ones," he suggested, tipping my chin up to kiss me once more.

Through my closed eyelids I saw a flash and I knew Edward had his flashy little camera out. He broke from the kiss shaking in laughter. I couldn't help but laugh with him.

"Oh, I almost forgot. As you know, I'm very new to this, so I don't exactly remember everything that I need, but...here." Edward pulled out a small, yet elegant corsage in a plastic container that looked like it had come out of the kitchen.

"Edward, it's beautiful, but...why is it in Tupperware?" I asked, slightly on the confused side. As Alice and Jasper _finally _left the house Edward pulled the delicate arrangement of baby's breath, a single carnation, and a few greens out of the container and carefully slid it onto my wrist.

"Because I made it at home and didn't have anything else to put it in," he explained, taking my hand and leading me to the car. He opened my door for me, as usual, before running to the other side and getting in himself.

"You made this?!" I exclaimed the instant he was beside me again. My fingers traced the ribbon and flowers gently.

"Yeah. Our school does have a floral class, you know. I took it freshman year thinking that it would be an easy A. At least I came out of it knowing how to save forty dollars by making a corsage myself," he explained. What _couldn't _he do?

The entire night, from the moment we left the car, to the moment we returned, Edward never let me go. Be it a fast song or a slow song, he either had a hold on my hand or my waist. Not to mention the bulletproof grip he had on my heart.

But one thing could never leave my attention. Something about that night felt so familiar. Like when I felt that the Cullen house was a happy dream that I had dreamt once upon a time. It frustrated me to know that it was probably something that I would remember two nights from then, in a dream. I wanted to remember immediately. Whatever memories that could be inspired by dancing with Edward had to be fantastic, magical, and inspiring beyond all belief.

I felt too tall, like I should have been three feet shorter. My dress clung too close to my body for the mood of the atmosphere. The environment that I felt called for a more flowing, white dress. And when I looked at Edward, I imagined a boutonnière that I knew was non-existent. His hair seemed too long for what the scene in my mind called for, and his dress shoes needed to be replaced with converse.

With a splash of cold water on my face, it came back to me.

"Bella are you alright?" I heard Edward wonder, panic and confusion overtaking his usually musical voice. I felt his cold hand, warmer than usual against my clammy face, smooth hair out of my face. He seemed to relax as my eyes slowly squinted open, adjusting to the light.

"What happened?" I asked, wondering when my vision had turned to me resting in Edward's lap by the water jugs with Alice and Jasper nearby.

"You were perfectly fine and then two seconds later you passed out," Alice explained calmly. Alice had been used to maintaining a calm essence. I had still had panic attacks long after her ceased. I knew Alice to the core. Enough to know that she wasn't as calm as she let off. It was a facade. She was probably just as scared as Edward.

"I need some air," I resolved. Edward helped me up slowly and supported me to the door.

"Are you alright?" he repeated when the door was fully closed behind us.

"You were the ring barer at my father's wedding," I began, a smile beginning to take shape at the corners of Edward's mouth. "Before my father and Renee got married, they took dance classes, and they thought it would be cute if there were two adorable little kids slow-dancing. But Alice and I couldn't dance together, because we were both girls. So, knowing that you and I were such good friends, they asked your parents if you could dance with me and then just snatched Jasper because since he was your 'brother' it would be easier than just finding some other random little boy to dance with Alice. That's how they met," I rolled off.

"Exactly," Edward confirmed, a triumphant grin on his face. "But why would this induce a loss of consciousness?"

"I can't do this anymore, Edward. This whole guess-and-check. Just because I know it might hold some significance, I look at every little second of my life like a big puzzle, trying to analyze the details and...it's making me go insane!" I exclaimed, watching the panic return to Edward's face. "I can't just go back to the way things used to be, Edward! My father is in jail, you and Angela are my only remaining friends, things _aren't _the same anymore! Even if I remember everything there's still three years of pretty much non-existence. You're the only thing that I'm really fighting for, and that doesn't even help because you're making the pressure so much worse!"

I knew it sounded accusatory. I knew it hurt Edward. Despite those facts, Edward pulled me into his arms, into the tightest embrace that we had ever had. I sobbed into his jacket until he knew that I was coherent enough to listen.

"I told you, you don't have to remember. All that you need to know is that I was there for you, whether you knew it or not. Other than that, I couldn't care. You're still my Bella. How is that adding pressure?" he wondered.

"It makes me want to remember more. For you. So that I can remember with you. And when memories come up like this, like when we were kids, it almost doesn't seem right to be this close. Watching the scenes through my mind as if we were somewhat younger, when things like love never crossed our minds. It just...I don't even know anymore," I rambled, burying my face in his chest again.

"It will be worth it, I promise," Edward assured me, stroking my back encouragingly. "Take it from someone whose been waiting longer. You didn't know what kind of history you had. I knew everything. I know it must be hard, I have no idea to what extent. But you yourself said that you think the reason you forgot was because whenever you tried to remember, the only thing that you could think of was the fact that all of it came to an end. But it hasn't. I'm still here. Your world hasn't come to a complete stop, yet. Now, we're going to graduate in a month. And if you want to, we can pack up and get out of here. Or we can stay here. I'm going wherever you are, unless you don't want me there. But for now, let's just worry about tonight."

"Tonight," I echoed.

"What's left of it. Let's make the best of it," he recommended, lifting my head more towards his so he could kiss me softly and assuringly before he took my hand and led me back to the building to enjoy - what was left of - prom.

* * *

**So, yeah. Longest chapter of this story. But I feel like I owe it to you for keeping you waiting.**

**Once again, thanks for your patience and I'll try to update sooner next time.**

**Please review!  
**


	23. Broken Bindings

**AN/So sorry for the long, long wait you guys. I have a severe case of senioritis. And I understand how long you've been waiting because I got a review that, no joke, told me to review 1280 times. And no, I did not count. I plugged it into Microsoft Word and word-counted it...so here it is, with much love and thought. And don't worry, it's not the end.

* * *

**I could not get the image of a young little Edward out of my head, his feet shuffling awkwardly in his cute little converse. Why couldn't I remember on command? Why did I have to learn by painful memory of a life that I still couldn't have. If only I could just remember I could get that life back. Instead I was always questioning whether or not I was still missing something.

I already acknowledged that it was myself who had pushed the memories away, but why couldn't it work like a storage unit? Where I could bring them back out when it didn't hurt anymore? Now it stung not to have them.

Determined to distract myself, I buried myself in the un-titled book. My mind became occupied with visions of Parker, trying to get his Avery back, trying to help her remember.

My fingers combed through the leftover pages and a startling realization occurred to me: I was almost finished with the book. I had maybe two or three chapters left and Avert still hadn't remembered a thing. How could the tides possibly change enough for something good to come out of the ending when there were only three chapters left for it to happen? It couldn't. The mystery author never got his perfect ending. And if he really had been a friend of Edward's he must really be jealous of him right now. His Avery never came back. Edward's did.

Desperate to prove my theory wrong, my eyes kept glued to the pages until the very last word. I stared at the blank space where the words had stopped, expecting more to appear to make the end better. I re-read the final page over and over until I had memorized it. I had known that the book wouldn't end well for three chapters now, but I just couldn't believe an ending like that.

_Parker searched for Avery after the ceremony, convincing himself that this was the only way. He had to let her go._

_He found her, talking to her parents by their car. Seeing her in her graduation robe, her tassel tangled in her hair, filled him with emptiness. Ever since he had met her, he had seen a happier vision of this day. There was this gab between them now that he had never planned, never imagined, never hoped for._

_"Could I talk to you alone for a moment?" Parker requested. Avery agreed reluctantly._

_When they were out of earshot of the murmuring group of graduates, he let himself take the fall._

_"Sometimes holding on seems a lot easier than letting go. You can't help imagining what things used to be like, and you want to keep them for as long as you can. But sometimes the right thing to do is to let go. I've realized that I've been suffocating you, Avery. I don't know if you want to remember, but I understand that if you do, I've been getting your hopes up in telling you the past. I'm sorry. I know you're strong, that's what made me love you. You can heal, baby girl. and you don't need me to do it. I'm not going to push you anymore._

_"Come August, I'm going to be off, away at college, but if you ever want to talk, you have my number."_

_With that, Parker pulled her in to kiss her forehead, whispered one more "I love you," and walked away._

_Parker never heard from Avery again._

My heart sunk with my own revelation. Edward and I were the exact opposite of Parker and Avery. I was holding Edward back. He was waiting for me and I wanted him to. I wanted what Edward told me about, but it would never be the same. My "coma" had crippled our relationship, and he deserved a fresh start with someone else, someone who he didn't have to wait on.

I walked to my memory board: my collection of memories, my proof that Edward and I had a past. It would be too easy, right? Marrying your childhood sweetheart. My mom died when I was young, my father used to beat me. Why would my life start getting easier now? Why would life choose to finally treat me well?

I snatched the book from my bed and chucked it against the wall. Not quite rid of my anger, I threw it again and again. About to fling it across the room for the tenth time, I noticed the pages were about to come off of the cover. I helped them with the process and tore the book apart. I would have to buy Mr. Forrester a new copy when it came out

I shredded the pages to confetti. I eventually couldn't tell which letter the black blobs belonged to anymore. I was proud of my desecration, but still not satisfied. Like the book, my story could not possibly end well.

Relieved that I was home alone, I let out an ear-splitting scream that unleashed the tears that I had been holding back. I was Parker. I had let myself get carried away in an idea of a future that would never exist. The epiphany was crippling and I curled in on myself as I shook with sobs.

My best friend since even before my mother died. The only one who waited for me to get back to sanity. The only one that I ever thought of being with for years. For forever.

And I had to let him go.

My eyes ran out of tears, but my sobs continued to shake through me long into the night. Neither Alice or Renee checked up on me. I imagined Edward's arms around me, holding me steady, calming my tremors.

Throughout the next week, I just took Edward's hand and walked with him. He would try to make small talk and I would give him small answers. I knew he could tell that something was wrong. But he never said anything. He knew I would talk when I was ready.

The count-down on my calendar had changed from the number of days until Edward and I would graduate, jump in the Volvo and leave, to the number of days that I would graduate and never see Edward again. What I didn't know was whether I would break things off with Edward now, and make the separation more gradual, or spend as much time as close to him as I could before I left. For wherever I was going. Alone.

I had made up my mind the following Saturday; a whole two weeks after my meltdown at prom. Edward and I were going to go to an Italian Restaurant in Port Angeles that (apparently) we had gone to for my birthday a couple of times.

The gentle knock on the door was easily identified as his. I could already feel the tears building behind my eyes before I opened the door to my misery.

And there he was, the face that I couldn't live without. The man who deserved better than me. I swallowed back a sob that was only suppressed for a few moments.

"Are you ready to go? Where's your coat, you'll be freezing?"

Always concerned about me. Where else was I going to find that? The first of the tears slid down my cheek.

"Sometimes, holding on seems a lot easier than letting go," I began, not willing to hold back the tears anymore.

"Bella, what's going on?" Edward asked. For the first time since the return of my sanity, I ignored him. This needed to be done quick. The shorter, the easier. Not that any of this would be easy at all.

"You can't help imagining what things used to be like - or what you think they might have been like - and you want to keep them for as long as you can," I continued.

"So you finished the book, despite my advice," Edward replied, jokingly. But underneath his heartbreaking smile, I could see his worry.

"But sometimes, the right thing to do is to let go," I concluded.

"Impressive. For someone with a memory problem, you memorized that pretty well," he laughed. I realized he was trying to distract me from whatever was bothering me. I was going to have to use my own words. And I had been trying to avoid that.

"Edward, I'm not coming. Not tonight, and not after graduation. I can't be with you anymore," I blurted out, the tears running like rapids.

"I don't believe you," Edward defended. "You're lying to me. You think you're serious, which is why you're crying. You honestly think that this will make me walk away and that upsets you," he reasoned, almost making more sense than I did.

"I'm serious, Edward. I don't just think I'm serious. I am. You need to go, I can't be with you, I swear!" I cried, not even able to see him anymore through the distortion of my tears.

"Swear harder, Bella, I don't believe you. You're not a very good liar," he said while reaching to wipe some of my tears away. I knocked his hand away from my face.

"Please Edward," I begged. "Just go."

"Bella, I'm not going to give up this easily. I just got you back," he declared, though he slowly seemed less defensive, bringing his guard down, letting his emotions play across his perfect face. "Bella, please don't be doing this to me..."

Before I could even think, I was in his arms, my face buried in his muscular chest. I could feel my sobs and the beginning of his. Devastated, I found my arms wrapping around his torso. In another swift move, my face was in his hands, his mouth on mine.

I silently cursed him for making this ten times harder. How could I tell him to leave when he was making me want him more? Nevertheless, I let my lips move with his until he finally pulled his face away from mine."

"You're upset, you're stressed, I get it. I know I'm probably not making it any easier, either. But don't make this any bigger than it needs to be," Edward pleaded.

"Edward, please," I asked one last time. He tried to pull me closer. "JUST GO!" I cried, pushing him off of me.

"Bella I don't - "

"JUST GO!" I repeated slamming the door.

I half-expected him to knock on the door, begging to talk about it. My heart fell when he didn't. Before the tears got too much worse, I figured I should get upstairs and finish my fit in private.

* * *

I still didn't believe it.

I stood at Bella's door in shock. I wasn't just going to let her go. If she wanted me to leave, I would, but not without an explanation. I would let her calm down, let her speak when she felt like it.

But she would try to avoid me. That I knew for sure. She would drive herself to and from school, take alternate routes between classes, and simply not answer the door or phone.

The solution seemed easy enough: She would have to leave the house sooner or later. I would just wait outside when she tried to leave. Once I had an answer, I would be gone. I would respect her wishes once I knew why.

So I stretched myself out on the Brandon's front porch and prepared for a long, sleepless night.

The Sunday morning paper slapped me in the face. It was both a good and a bad thing. Bad because now my face hurt like a bitch. But it meant that Bella would be up soon. Bella was always the one to grap the paper Sunday morning.

Ten minutes later, the door opened. I jumped to my feet and - to my surprise - found Alice standing in the doorway.

"Edward? What are you doing? Taking Bella to brunch?" Alice wondered, puzzled.

"Where's Bella?" I asked.

"She's still upstairs, sleeping. She said she was really stressed last night which was why she canceled last night and she was just going to try to sleep it off today. If you ask me I think she was lying. She's not exactly the best liar in the world..."

Of course Bella would lie to Alice about last night. Alice would've tried to stop her. But why would Bella lie about needing to sleep all day. Unless...

"She's not sleeping!" I realized, pushing past Alice, storming up the stairs and kicking through Bella's locked door when she didn't answer. Alice arrived - completely shocked - behind me. Sure enough, there was an open window and no Bella.

"She ran..."


	24. Questions and Answers

Bella couldn't run forever. Forks was all she had ever known. And Forks is not altogether large. And as far as I knew, Bella did not have any cash on her. Ever. She would have to come home sooner or later. But it wouldn't be beyond Bella to take measures drastically. Especially with whatever had been getting into her lately.

I wasn't going to just wait for her to do something stupid and have to clean up the mess later. Not that I wouldn't. Not that I wouldn't still love her afterwards. I just didn't want to run the risk of the mess being too big for me to clean. I didn't want to lose Bella again.

I began digging through my mind, hoping to find something that could lead me to where Bella might have run to. My first guess was the meadow, but that was just a waste of two hours as I hiked through the brush to an empty clearing. I racked my brain for more ideas. What was it that Bella had been babbling about before she had closed the door in my face leaving me confused and heartbroken? Something about the book…

I remembered when we were little, reading old legends of the Quileute tribe that Jacob belonged to just north of Forks. She would always relate herself to the stories as they would apply to her, whether they were applicable to her or not. It wouldn't have surprised me if Bella had placed herself in the plot of the nameless novel. The story had, after all, been about us at the beginning, before I knew what really would unfold between us. It wouldn't be out of character for Bella to assume that what she had read was the only way for things to end when the whole book could have reminded her of us.

So that explained the "why," but not the "where." At least it was a start.

It had been so long since I had written the book. It was supposed to have been a way of moving on… It hadn't worked at all. So I had removed it from my memory much like Bella had done with her whole life. It was only when Bella had begun to read it that I remembered that the book even existed. And now it was my only key to finding her.

Eventually I thought of something. If Bella was using the book as a model, then she would believe that our inevitable departure was after graduation. But Bella knew that I would never let her leave when we had such plans to get away, to help her get herself back, or just to forget the past altogether and just make a better future than any future she had here. But Bella would also realize that I would respect her if she wanted space before graduation. It would be her only chance to run.

It still wasn't much of an answer as to where she might be…but it was better than nothing.

So out of sheer lack of any better ideas, I jumped in the car and headed to the school, where graduation decorations were already under way, though graduation was still a little over a week away.

There weren't many places that Bella could possibly be if she were here. Being that it was a Sunday and the insides to the school were locked to the general public. But if anything accessible would remind Bella of the imposing graduation night, it would be the gym door, where school-colored wax paper covered the surface, streamers hanging around the door fames, and "congratulations graduates" exclaiming from above the door.

And there she was. Curled up in a ball, Head hidden in her kness.

"Why does everyone just assume that graduation is the end of all that's good when it's really just the end of familiarity? I mean you don't have to stop seeing everybody that you know. You don't have to leave those that you care about—those who care about you—just because that's what everybody else seems to do," I told her as I approached, sitting next to her, putting my arm around her.

"What are you doing here, Edward? You can't be here. I'm not going to let you waste your life on me. We both know I'm not going to get any better than this. And you deserve more," she explained, making one last attempt to get me to leave.

"I don't care what I do or don't deserve. I care about one thing and one thing only. The only thing that matters to me. And you know what that is, Bella? You. And you're going to heal, baby girl. I know you can."

Bella stared at me with wonder.

"How many times have you read that book? I thought it was unpublished?"

"I am not Parker and you are not Avery. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice, the same mistake Parker made," I declared. "I'm not going to just let you keep my number and wait for you to come to me. I didn't that once and when you finally opened up you were angry with everyone—including me—for not helping you. I waited once. I'm not going to wait again and end up never seeing you again."

"_You _wrote it?"

"Yes, unfortunately. I was in Mr. Forrester's class and he told me that if I used personal experience as inspiration for a story, I could also use it as a release from what was choking me, as closure. I thought it had worked. I thought I had moved on. I let myself forget how much I needed you. But I'm not going to let you slip through my fingers again," I declared.

"Why did you not want me to read the book?" Bella wondered.

"Isn't it obvious?" I questioned. "First of all it was ridiculously depressing, wouldn't you agree?" Bella nodded silently in accord. "Secondly, now that we were talking again, I was hoping things would be different than I had predicted. I didn't want you to even think about the doubts that I had once had, should you ever put the pieces together of how the book was supposed to be about me and you. And look what happened when you read it. You assumed things would never be perfect between us and maybe they won't be. But we can get pretty damn close. All I need is you by my side to make my life perfect."

Bella's lips pulled into a small smile and she rested her head on my shoulder.

"It's just seemed like so long for anything remarkable to happen in my life I can't imagine any of it lasting. I'm used to everything being taken away from me. I'd rather throw something out, knowing it's gone than to lose it, hoping I'll find it again someday, getting my hopes up, just to never get it back."

"I'm not going anywhere, love. How many times have I come back for you in the past few months alone? What makes you think I'm ever going to give up on you?" I assured her.

Bella gazed up at me, the tiniest hint of a tear beginning to swell in one of her deep hazel eyes.

I bent down to touch my lips to hers gently. I then kissed each cheek and her forehead before pulling her close and wrapping my arms around her. I felt her arms wind around my back and I held her tighter. I kissed the top of her head as she began to sob into my shoulder.

"Is it not enough to have a long and happy life with me, or are you going to make me chase after you our whole lives?" I joked.

I felt the shudder of Bella's laughter.

"There's my girl," I pulled her just far enough away to find her lips again and I pressed them to mine, not holding back any more.

And neither was Bella. I felt her pulling me closer, shifting her legs so that our knees were no longer in the way.

There we were, pressed against each other. Lost in each other's arms. The heat between us overpowering the cold of the elements. Our tongues danced together in perfect synchronization as my fingers stroked her face.

And then I realized how wrong it was.

Neither of us would want to stop.

But this was not the right time, and most definitely not the right place. It took every ounce of restraint I had to pry us apart, and it was almost for nothing when Bella's clearly disappointed face returned my gaze. But I held strong.

"I can't do this," I told her.

"What, you can't be with me?"

"Trust me, I want that more than anything. But I want to do this the right way."

"Edward, I don't understand."

"I want to be with you like this forever…maybe not the soaking in the rain part, but I never want to leave your side. There's something I would like you to do for me before we leave…"

"And what might that be?"

"I want you to marry me, Bella. Wait, let me rephrase. _I_ want to marry _you_. In front of our families. Before we head off to wherever we end up.

"Isabella Swan, will you marry me?"


End file.
